I've finally done it. I told my best friend how I really felt and now I feel sick to my stomach.
Ashley as some of you know is engaged to my friend Chris. I've been arguing with Ashley since last night. I tried to fix things and nothing got better. She got pissed and told me she had nothing more to say to me. I finally lost it and told her that the reason I'm obsessed with finding love is to take my fucked up mind off her.
I've ruined it. The two people I care about the most will be gone. I'm such a fucking idiot.
I can't control my tears right now.
The people who do so much for me. Now it's fucked up because I have these stupid feelings. Just because Ashley is the closest I have been to someone in a long time. Stupid fucking feelings for a nice girl who took the time to get to know me instead of just judging because she's a friend. Stupid to think I could make her love me nevermind someone who is single. So fucking pathetic.