swen

I did the hell lot of learning the last couple of days. I did 131 pages in four days! I even learned till my back ached so much I couldnt stand straight all day yesterday. 21 h learning in two days.
Anyways, I should be proud of myself. But Im not. Im sad as can be. No party for me tonight. Its no use. Why the hell does this always happen to me? Why cant I control this like I control every other emotion my treacherous body decides me to have?

Fuck. I just dont know how to cope with that overwhelming sorrow. I even dont know where its coming from and why.

Fuck again. I keep pitying myself. I shouldnt. I have no cause for being sad.

But I just am.

I feel nothing else.

Just utter sadness.