Holy life and fucking hell.
Burning Man sure did a number on me. Every single year, within a week of burning man I experience the highest and lowest kinds of life. This year was only a little different, but really the same.
Going from NY to Cali then off to BM back to Cali and now back to NY. In between all this I've had to deal with family, love, dance, logistics, building shade, showing up(or not) to shifts, dust, dehydration, more love, more dust, more sun, and more joy than I've had in a long time.
The family thing is due to our family cabin in the redwoods south of half moon bay. Our Grandfather, "Papa" moved out to live with our uncle Randy after 30 years in the house he built himself. Now it's our Mom's and in a trust for us five kids. It's mostly been about cleaning and getting rid of all kinds of stuff. With some typical family bs mixed in there. While I arrive with just days to put all my Burning Man gear together, and then returning to organize and put it all away. Quite the task.
My last love and partner and I reconnected via email and I learned that she started seeing someone. My lid flipped when I found out! Apparently I was not honest with myself about my feelings for her. I even required a day of silence to integrate. My response(or reaction) was to write her back and spill forth my heart and feelings along with everything I withheld from telling her. We wrote a bit more and then met up in Cali upon my return. I'm head over heels in love with this woman and had to have a platonic long talk. Plus I got to give her a much needed and deserved massage.
As for the burn itself I was quite pleased overall. Even though my mind has been distracted by thoughts of this lovely woman dear to my heart, I still busted out with two camps and my own shade structure. After obligatory work was all done I felt lack luster. Even had a really Hot German lady crush on me, yet it wasn't in line with my heart. My heart gave voice to the need for detachment and it was all good in the end. Especially cause she wouldnt accept leaving without orally making my toes curl and my body writhe. Alas we then parted ways perhaps to never see one another again or until next burn, as friends. I just couldn't get my mind off the lady in my heart. Sapphire.
Then, to my surprise, the deer woman of my love shows up before my eyes on the Playa!!! We spend the entire rest of the her time there(she had to leave early) together aside from a couple hours of space needed. Oh holy hell I spilled forth my love to her and swore to support her and my love with my every breath. The only issue is that she is still with this other guy who leaves for business all the time. Oh fuck this situation is fucked. I've royally screwed with her emotions, yet only with pure love. The signs of our bond were everywhere synchronistically affirming our love. She has spoken her love for me and yet doesn't know what to do. My failure before is really kicking my hearts ass right now. Ow.
Now I'm on a plane back to NY where I'll be til November 1st. I told her that my heart is true to her and that I hope she'll have me when I return. Until then I have to trust in love. I trust in Love.
As for the work I'm going to at the Omega Institute in NY I missed my flight and have to sleep in JFK and catch a morning train to be picked up and go straight to work. Already missed one shift due to a miss communication, so that'll be extra fun to arrive to now. Plus all the joy of telling previous crush and former partner of two years ( who is in relationship with my supervisor) about my state of heart because our failed relationship taught me how to show up proper for he relationship I hope to enter when I return home.
Fuck! Thanks for reading this long spout of words and emotion. All in all I'm really excited for life. I'll be doing yoga and/or dance every day with meditation sprinkled in there, as well as teaching a few classes of my own. Life is good and I trust love to prevail through all. Next post I'll share my latest writings on the subject.
Cheers!
Burning Man sure did a number on me. Every single year, within a week of burning man I experience the highest and lowest kinds of life. This year was only a little different, but really the same.
Going from NY to Cali then off to BM back to Cali and now back to NY. In between all this I've had to deal with family, love, dance, logistics, building shade, showing up(or not) to shifts, dust, dehydration, more love, more dust, more sun, and more joy than I've had in a long time.
The family thing is due to our family cabin in the redwoods south of half moon bay. Our Grandfather, "Papa" moved out to live with our uncle Randy after 30 years in the house he built himself. Now it's our Mom's and in a trust for us five kids. It's mostly been about cleaning and getting rid of all kinds of stuff. With some typical family bs mixed in there. While I arrive with just days to put all my Burning Man gear together, and then returning to organize and put it all away. Quite the task.
My last love and partner and I reconnected via email and I learned that she started seeing someone. My lid flipped when I found out! Apparently I was not honest with myself about my feelings for her. I even required a day of silence to integrate. My response(or reaction) was to write her back and spill forth my heart and feelings along with everything I withheld from telling her. We wrote a bit more and then met up in Cali upon my return. I'm head over heels in love with this woman and had to have a platonic long talk. Plus I got to give her a much needed and deserved massage.
As for the burn itself I was quite pleased overall. Even though my mind has been distracted by thoughts of this lovely woman dear to my heart, I still busted out with two camps and my own shade structure. After obligatory work was all done I felt lack luster. Even had a really Hot German lady crush on me, yet it wasn't in line with my heart. My heart gave voice to the need for detachment and it was all good in the end. Especially cause she wouldnt accept leaving without orally making my toes curl and my body writhe. Alas we then parted ways perhaps to never see one another again or until next burn, as friends. I just couldn't get my mind off the lady in my heart. Sapphire.
Then, to my surprise, the deer woman of my love shows up before my eyes on the Playa!!! We spend the entire rest of the her time there(she had to leave early) together aside from a couple hours of space needed. Oh holy hell I spilled forth my love to her and swore to support her and my love with my every breath. The only issue is that she is still with this other guy who leaves for business all the time. Oh fuck this situation is fucked. I've royally screwed with her emotions, yet only with pure love. The signs of our bond were everywhere synchronistically affirming our love. She has spoken her love for me and yet doesn't know what to do. My failure before is really kicking my hearts ass right now. Ow.
Now I'm on a plane back to NY where I'll be til November 1st. I told her that my heart is true to her and that I hope she'll have me when I return. Until then I have to trust in love. I trust in Love.
As for the work I'm going to at the Omega Institute in NY I missed my flight and have to sleep in JFK and catch a morning train to be picked up and go straight to work. Already missed one shift due to a miss communication, so that'll be extra fun to arrive to now. Plus all the joy of telling previous crush and former partner of two years ( who is in relationship with my supervisor) about my state of heart because our failed relationship taught me how to show up proper for he relationship I hope to enter when I return home.
Fuck! Thanks for reading this long spout of words and emotion. All in all I'm really excited for life. I'll be doing yoga and/or dance every day with meditation sprinkled in there, as well as teaching a few classes of my own. Life is good and I trust love to prevail through all. Next post I'll share my latest writings on the subject.
Cheers!