sweetnepenthe

i slept with him again last night.
so, it's official. i'm a fuck up.
i'd love to say that it was because we were drunk. or that i only did it because sex feels so good. but the truth is, i think i really like him. and i know he doesn't feel the same way. i can't keep having meaningless sex. it disgusts me... i just want to mean something to somebody. i want to be the person they go to whenever they need anything. i want to be the girl they can say they love with all their heart.
i want to be in love again.

For those of us deeply disturbed (and for any NIN fans), here's Broken, a short movie/music video crazy thing I don't know how to describe. I see it as art. Most people think it's just fucked up. Call me the sickest fuck, i don't care, but the part where the man gets into the machine that rapes and mutilates him fascinates me.