"I'm not sober all the time
You bring me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you"
*i'm not really a fan of this band (for the few who might recognize the lyrics) but dammit i just can't help but relate to the song.*
but THIS SONG, THIS band...TOOL.
There needs to be nothing more. here's a bit of what got me thinking today....
"Constant over stimulation numbs me
and I wouldn't have
It any other way.
It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.
Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.
Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?
How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?
I'll keep digging till
I feel something."
as humans, as animals (because basically that's what we are) we have two urges in life, two things that drive us. sex and survival. its a basic necessity for all animals
sex obviously isn't an issue for me. i get it when i want it, end of story.
but why is survival such a struggle? i would give up sex any day, as long as it would mean an easier life.
and TRUST ME (you all know how much i love sex) that is NOT an easy thing to say.
and I'm really getting sick of putting makeup on my body just to hide the fact that I was a stupid girl a few years ago and did stupid things to myself. Just as I dislike girls wearing heavy makeup on their face, I dislike using makeup to hide every fucking piece of skin that is scarred. Why I do it is so pathetic. I don't want to be associated with those "emo" people who everyone makes fun of for cutting. I was a self mutilator because I was in and out of the hospital over half of my junior and senior years of high school. And I was sick on the inside and wanted to look like I felt. And, I was bored as fuck. That's right, BORED. Nurses would accidentally leave packaged needles in the room so I learned how to get a needle in my vein. Out of boredom. I cut my thighs every day I was in the hospital because I had nothing better to do, and it was fun to see how deep I could go without getting raised scars.
That's right, it was fucking amusement for me. And now if someone sees it they think I'm an emo fuck who wants attention. No, you assholes. I was locked in a hospital, I was locked in my mind, and both are unstable, scary places to be.
NExt time I go to the ER because of lack of food or "forgetting" my medications, I highly doubt I will fall back into old habits. But I can guarantee my new habits will be there with me, dragging me down along the way.
It's a little funny, maybe ironic, how I go to the hospital to get better, but it always leaves me slightly less sane on the inside.
You bring me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you"
*i'm not really a fan of this band (for the few who might recognize the lyrics) but dammit i just can't help but relate to the song.*
but THIS SONG, THIS band...TOOL.
There needs to be nothing more. here's a bit of what got me thinking today....
"Constant over stimulation numbs me
and I wouldn't have
It any other way.
It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.
Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.
Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?
How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?
I'll keep digging till
I feel something."
as humans, as animals (because basically that's what we are) we have two urges in life, two things that drive us. sex and survival. its a basic necessity for all animals
sex obviously isn't an issue for me. i get it when i want it, end of story.
but why is survival such a struggle? i would give up sex any day, as long as it would mean an easier life.
and TRUST ME (you all know how much i love sex) that is NOT an easy thing to say.
and I'm really getting sick of putting makeup on my body just to hide the fact that I was a stupid girl a few years ago and did stupid things to myself. Just as I dislike girls wearing heavy makeup on their face, I dislike using makeup to hide every fucking piece of skin that is scarred. Why I do it is so pathetic. I don't want to be associated with those "emo" people who everyone makes fun of for cutting. I was a self mutilator because I was in and out of the hospital over half of my junior and senior years of high school. And I was sick on the inside and wanted to look like I felt. And, I was bored as fuck. That's right, BORED. Nurses would accidentally leave packaged needles in the room so I learned how to get a needle in my vein. Out of boredom. I cut my thighs every day I was in the hospital because I had nothing better to do, and it was fun to see how deep I could go without getting raised scars.
That's right, it was fucking amusement for me. And now if someone sees it they think I'm an emo fuck who wants attention. No, you assholes. I was locked in a hospital, I was locked in my mind, and both are unstable, scary places to be.
NExt time I go to the ER because of lack of food or "forgetting" my medications, I highly doubt I will fall back into old habits. But I can guarantee my new habits will be there with me, dragging me down along the way.
It's a little funny, maybe ironic, how I go to the hospital to get better, but it always leaves me slightly less sane on the inside.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
.... I love you ....
Sex and Survival
hospitals.. well what more can be said about them that you didn't cover?? Oh you forgot one thing
*Their Jello doesn't jiggle*