sweetie

*someone stole the music while i slept*

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my nipples hurt. And well, the new big nipple rings make me feel strange. i sort of really liked how my nipples would suck the old small ones inward.

but hell, changes must be made, right?

i hate this rainy and cold weather. Its almost time for my course and i just dont feel like getting out of bed.

and i slept for over 10 hours.

i think Pulse gets home tomorrow. She must have tons of work, so it will be a while before i can even get anxious. But i already am. A bit. Not really.

i wish i knew how i feel. All i feel now is the desire to curl up and hide under the covers eating creamy warm foods.

Evolution? What's that?

...

i woke up this morning without a song. It was scary.
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i am addicted to food blogs.
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happy halloween:

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news? i have a gig this friday. But its for a friend. So its not really a gig, right? Well, at least i get to dance.
...
i must work out. i must wear my corset. And most importantly... i must get out of bed!
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mood: gloomy
now playing: bowling for soup
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life is good...


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EDIT- nightime:
...
i realized something these days. My respiratory problems are psychosomatics's. So much for being a control freak.
...
Yesterday i cried because i felt sorry for someone. i felt sorry because He is so closed, so fixed into what He knows and what does and doesn't matter that He will never experiment the true sweetness of Christmas. Or X-mas. But His heart will never experiment the joy of thinking of others and giving and receiving on one special day. Not to mention other things. i guess it takes a certain "naivety" to enjoy most holidays. Yes, i'm foolish and naive. But there is a lot more poetry to life that way.
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i cried not because our Christmases will always be incomplete, but because He will never have Christmas. Even the Grinch felt it, why can't He?
...
Another thing i figured out. This afternoon in sewing class, i realized that i actually am very very very sore. From dance class yesterday. Funny... i sometimes take my physical condition for granted. i expect myself to function perfectly at all times, without failure.
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i expect a lot more from myself than i do from others.
...
Sometimes i am glad i do not live in Europe. i believe i would surely suffer from seasonal depression. The weather forecast promises at least a week of cold and rain...
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and to think this was Sunday:

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i depend of sunshine and sweetness to be happy. Does that make me a creature of light? My middle name is Sunshine, after all.
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No day but tomorrow. Now i must go eat something cheesy. And hope for some warmer and dryer weather to show off my pin-up sandals.

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night-night

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