Not sure where to begin really as I've never written a blog like this, I usually internalize everything and deal with stuff alone where nobody can see
I guess it started with my last relationship... I put 5 years into forcing it to work whether I was happy or not because being as shy as I have been all my life has led to a life of no serious relationship right up until recently. I've always been too shy to ask a gal out in person and have always just automatically assumed any girl I was attracted to either already had a BF or wouldn't be interested in me so not had the confidence to make a move and girls don't ask guys out where I live and I've been friend-zoned by more girls I've been attracted to than had hot meals lol.
Anyway, I thought this was my last chance at a relationship of any kind for the future and wanted to do everything in my power to make it work even if it meant sacrificing all my friends which is what happened. She was an incredibly self-conscious person who didn't like I had a lot of female friends because I'm not a typical guy, I dot care much for sports or cars, etc instead I'm kinda different I'm a geek, nerd, gamer, etc. but love metal and UFC...undefined maybe.
Because I didn't really know how relationships worked properly and wanted this one to work so badly I thought the correct thing to do was to put her first ALWAYS so pretty soon I had no friends anymore and nobody to socialize with except for her. I knew the relationship wasn't going to work but was afraid to break things off because I knew she still had feelings for me and didn't want to hurt her. I know that makes me a terrible person and a coward and it's one thing ill never forgive myself for.
I finally got the courage to end things and did so in the best way possible for the right reasons which I won't go in to but it left me at ground zero with no friends and so alone it was hard to find a reason not to "check out" never mind getting up in the morning. Basically, my life consisted of nothing but working to earn enough money to have a place to live and sleep so I could work. I didn't contact any of my old friends because I didn't believe I deserved a chance of earning the friendship back due to the way I shut them out for her.
Coming back here and making new friends helped me so much in actually making new connections....I'm not gonna tag people here because honestly there are so many people I've spoken to that helped me through without realizing it and the other folks I'm closer to know who they are and just want to thank all of you,,, even if was a simple small conversation that lasted a few comments on your profiles to conversations in messages to people I'm now talking to regularly.
Thank you to everyone here that befriended me :)
