susu

Well, where do I start......
I've had a pretty shit time recently. My Dad died of lung cancer and my alcoholic boyfriend decided that would be a great time to go on a massive bender, losing his house and job in the process. And to top it off HE now wont talk to ME. Like I'm the arsehole in this situation. I'm not writing this on my blog for attention or to get loads of comments or whatever, just kind of hoping it will be a bit therapeutic. I don't really have close friends to talk about this with and don't really want to dump it all on my Mum, so I'm dumping it all on SG instead!

All this happened within about two weeks, it was pretty intense. I could've really done with having him around as I was greiving for my Dad, going through his stuff, sorting out all the paperwork crap. The thing is, being an alcoholic, he's always been massively unreliable so I kind of guessed he wouldn't be there when I really needed him. It still feels epicly shit though. How can he not talk to me? What the hell did I do to deserve this from him? I know he's going through shit as well but all of his problems are self-inflicted so I have a sympathy limit on them, especially when all he seems able to do is make things worse for himself, it's so frustrating. I'm not really feeling down all the time, but I cry sometimes and I'm struggling to ever really feel happy. Just seems I'm floating along at the same level, sometimes getting down but not really having the upside of ever feeling happy. God I hope this goes away soon. I just want to ge backt to being me, I used to be so happy!

I guess we're over for good this time, I've had enough of all the drama. I do really hope he can get better though, this life-style isn't fair on anyone around him. His parents, brother, friends, everyone.

Anyways, on an SG subject, my ex was also my photographer and photo editor. We did a set a few weeks ago before the shit hit the fan and it was really good. Don't know if I'm ever going to see it properly though as it's all on his computer, un-edited and I know he wont do it for me now. I really hope I can find someone else to shoot with but I don't know how good it will come out if I were to shoot with a stranger, I'd probably look and feel really uncomfortable. Oh well, maybe I'll come back to that idea in a few months when everything's setttled down again.....

Thanks for listening guys, sorry to have bored you all with my problems! Speak soon.