i first met russell online. we become close and when i went on a road trip with my friend we stopped by tn to see him. that was the first time we had sex.
then we went to germany/switzerland together. again, more sex. this time htough my body had some serious issues with it. much pain. i told him this, and he said ok, but that night we ended up having sex again. afterwards he asked me if that was ok and i said no, that it really really really hurts and he apologized and asked if we could have sex again.
i should've realized then that he was an asshole, but whatver. i'm stupid.
that was in jan. in may i moved to tn to be with him.
we talked, and agreed not to get physical for awhile. slow things down a bit. that lasted a week.
i told him that id idnt want to be having sex with him so much, that i wasnt comfortable with it anymore and he got very offended, accused me of rejecting him, and of being a hypochrit. i would sleep with him before, why not now?
so we continued to have sex.
and i started to hate it. he noticed this of course, and again, got very hurt cuz i was rejecting him. i tried to explain that i just did not want that right at that moment, but he wouldnt listen.
eventually (in september) he dumped me because i 'wasnt affectionate' and didnt show that i cared about him. i moved 2500 miles away from home to be with him, but apparently that was nothing. all the other things i did too, hugs, presents, random "i love you" calls, didnt mean anything. only sex.
a couple days ago i made the mistake of telling him this. and now he's mad at me and wont talk to me.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT A GUY WHO BASICALLY SPENT MONTHS RAPING ME AND DIDNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME AS A PERSON???????????
and all i want right now is to be his girlfriend again. i'm such a pathetic loser sometimes.
then we went to germany/switzerland together. again, more sex. this time htough my body had some serious issues with it. much pain. i told him this, and he said ok, but that night we ended up having sex again. afterwards he asked me if that was ok and i said no, that it really really really hurts and he apologized and asked if we could have sex again.
i should've realized then that he was an asshole, but whatver. i'm stupid.
that was in jan. in may i moved to tn to be with him.
we talked, and agreed not to get physical for awhile. slow things down a bit. that lasted a week.
i told him that id idnt want to be having sex with him so much, that i wasnt comfortable with it anymore and he got very offended, accused me of rejecting him, and of being a hypochrit. i would sleep with him before, why not now?
so we continued to have sex.
and i started to hate it. he noticed this of course, and again, got very hurt cuz i was rejecting him. i tried to explain that i just did not want that right at that moment, but he wouldnt listen.
eventually (in september) he dumped me because i 'wasnt affectionate' and didnt show that i cared about him. i moved 2500 miles away from home to be with him, but apparently that was nothing. all the other things i did too, hugs, presents, random "i love you" calls, didnt mean anything. only sex.
a couple days ago i made the mistake of telling him this. and now he's mad at me and wont talk to me.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT A GUY WHO BASICALLY SPENT MONTHS RAPING ME AND DIDNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME AS A PERSON???????????
and all i want right now is to be his girlfriend again. i'm such a pathetic loser sometimes.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
Shit I sound like Dr. Phil.
Hang in there!