Working out here in the city sure has been a trip. I don't know where to begin.
After 1 month out here, I started to grow extremely irritated with the fact that the boy I was seeing seemed to be avoiding gainful employment at all costs. The fact that he was living on my hard labor (god, do I know how to pick 'em or what?!) drove me to my breaking point and I put my neck on the line to get him an interview at a tea house. The night before the interview, he stole 2 pints of shitty vodka from the store down the street and proceeded to down them in their entirety. I got off work sometime around 11pm after working a double only to come home and find him butt ass naked in our shower, coated in his own blood. He tried to kill himself. I sent him to the hospital and had him committed. He has been in rehab ever since and I'm torn between anger and sadness when I think of him.
I don't know if i love him or hate him. I know I can't be with him but, he's the closest person to me and knows me better than anyone. I'm currently avoiding seeing him.
Since he's been gone, I've been working hard and going out of my way to get to know people in the city. I've met plenty of assholes but, quite a few decent people as well.
Two weeks ago I met a guy from Arizona who was in the city for the summer. He's a total sweetheart and a guy I could actually bring home. He makes me smile every time I see him and I could really see developing a strong connection with him. My only reservation is the fact that he wants to move suuuper fast. Two weeks and he's already talking marriage and kids. He's the best sex I've ever had but, that's not much of a reason to make that kind of commitment. He left town tonight and I'm not sure what to do with the ideas he's spinning.
I've got plenty of guys beating down my door but, I think I should remain unattached for a while. I need to figure out who the fuck I am and what it is I want. I'm making more enemies than friends by doing my job well and I feel pretty lonely most of the time. I keep the smile plastered on but its becoming less and less real every day.I just want more people in my life who want me just for me and not for what they can get from me. I hate being hated. Its the main reason I don't hate people. I think I might be too genuine for this place. Everyone is fake here.
Fuck the whores I work with who see money over people. I'd rather starve than play the game the way they do. I need sleep and a nice person to grab a burger with. If you're out this way and want an ear to tug on, hit me up, I could use distraction.
Much love, lovelies!
Until I next have a moment of peace,
*Sudz*
After 1 month out here, I started to grow extremely irritated with the fact that the boy I was seeing seemed to be avoiding gainful employment at all costs. The fact that he was living on my hard labor (god, do I know how to pick 'em or what?!) drove me to my breaking point and I put my neck on the line to get him an interview at a tea house. The night before the interview, he stole 2 pints of shitty vodka from the store down the street and proceeded to down them in their entirety. I got off work sometime around 11pm after working a double only to come home and find him butt ass naked in our shower, coated in his own blood. He tried to kill himself. I sent him to the hospital and had him committed. He has been in rehab ever since and I'm torn between anger and sadness when I think of him.
I don't know if i love him or hate him. I know I can't be with him but, he's the closest person to me and knows me better than anyone. I'm currently avoiding seeing him.
Since he's been gone, I've been working hard and going out of my way to get to know people in the city. I've met plenty of assholes but, quite a few decent people as well.
Two weeks ago I met a guy from Arizona who was in the city for the summer. He's a total sweetheart and a guy I could actually bring home. He makes me smile every time I see him and I could really see developing a strong connection with him. My only reservation is the fact that he wants to move suuuper fast. Two weeks and he's already talking marriage and kids. He's the best sex I've ever had but, that's not much of a reason to make that kind of commitment. He left town tonight and I'm not sure what to do with the ideas he's spinning.
I've got plenty of guys beating down my door but, I think I should remain unattached for a while. I need to figure out who the fuck I am and what it is I want. I'm making more enemies than friends by doing my job well and I feel pretty lonely most of the time. I keep the smile plastered on but its becoming less and less real every day.I just want more people in my life who want me just for me and not for what they can get from me. I hate being hated. Its the main reason I don't hate people. I think I might be too genuine for this place. Everyone is fake here.
Fuck the whores I work with who see money over people. I'd rather starve than play the game the way they do. I need sleep and a nice person to grab a burger with. If you're out this way and want an ear to tug on, hit me up, I could use distraction.
Much love, lovelies!
Until I next have a moment of peace,
*Sudz*
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You rock my world....thank you for your post on my blog
xoxo
And if you ever come visit the guy from Arizona....come see me too! You have a place to crash