superficial

five years ago i met the girl of my dreams...
i thought that i'd spend the rest of my life with her. we were complete opposites, but were just enough alike to get along while balancing each other out... we had some great times and did some amazing things. but, i fell into a rut... and stopped doing everything i once loved. i stopped mountain biking, playing guitar, partying, meeting new people, going out for coffee, reading, designing websites, chatting online, cooking, buying sweet little gifts for her, hanging out with my family, running... i worried too much about how i was going to pay my bills. i hated my job. i hated confronting people when they treated me bad. i stopped going to shows... and when she dragged me out, i just stood and listened... i just stopped being fun... i stopped being myself. i wanted to go change my job, to start a new future life with her, but i'd panic everytime i went to an interview or meeting. i went to a career counselor who pretty much laughed at me when i told him i was looking to get into the computer industry... he said the jobs just weren't out there... she hated that i didn't have a good job and that i couldn't afford to get an apartment with her... i wanted to but i fucked it all up. and now she is moving on.