Halloween '03
The point, this has been an issue of late - what the frig is the point of all this... we get up, pee, eat, run around like fools, pee some more and then sleep.
Once again a close friend, a lover, someone very dear to me has brought this into focus - not through some grand scheme or master plan, just simple words - as always. She talked about the things I have taught her in the world of love and relationships. It's not the lessons I have given are so profound but the point for me is that I have touched someone. I have made a difference in this silly world.
This is what I preach and to my surprise, it appears that it's also what I seem to practice as well - to make the world a better place not by ending a war or saving a forest but by simply making my little world a better place. In doing this perhaps I can make the whole world a better place??! If everyone could do this I'm sure it would work, bit by bit like a wave touching each other, giving life meaning and worth.
I fear the process of becoming connected to another person. It goes so deep, to trust and let go and yet it's what I yearn for... or perhaps not! This is a very old and familiar process for me, poking it's head through. I look for my own peace through connections with others yet fear the whole process - silly stuff, old stuff.
After great change, this process simply does not feel right anymore. This might be the reason for the confusion and pushing away, I don't want to repeat my old patterns. It's time to forge new paths...
*grin*
Footnote: After writing this on Halloween night I later found out that "the lover" had sex with someone else. Funny how life loves to taunt you just when it starts to make sense, what a crazy, mixed up, shook up world we live in...
The point, this has been an issue of late - what the frig is the point of all this... we get up, pee, eat, run around like fools, pee some more and then sleep.
Once again a close friend, a lover, someone very dear to me has brought this into focus - not through some grand scheme or master plan, just simple words - as always. She talked about the things I have taught her in the world of love and relationships. It's not the lessons I have given are so profound but the point for me is that I have touched someone. I have made a difference in this silly world.
This is what I preach and to my surprise, it appears that it's also what I seem to practice as well - to make the world a better place not by ending a war or saving a forest but by simply making my little world a better place. In doing this perhaps I can make the whole world a better place??! If everyone could do this I'm sure it would work, bit by bit like a wave touching each other, giving life meaning and worth.
I fear the process of becoming connected to another person. It goes so deep, to trust and let go and yet it's what I yearn for... or perhaps not! This is a very old and familiar process for me, poking it's head through. I look for my own peace through connections with others yet fear the whole process - silly stuff, old stuff.
After great change, this process simply does not feel right anymore. This might be the reason for the confusion and pushing away, I don't want to repeat my old patterns. It's time to forge new paths...
*grin*
Footnote: After writing this on Halloween night I later found out that "the lover" had sex with someone else. Funny how life loves to taunt you just when it starts to make sense, what a crazy, mixed up, shook up world we live in...
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now, where did i put those guts??