suoda

"How To Dismantle A Landmine"

You once told me that your life could be summed up in a listening of Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings". You told me this six days before Mom died. Now you won't come near your phone. I call you day after day soaking up some of my own tears, hoping for a chance to get through to you and give some encouraging words. But what encouragement can I give? You have lost so much. When I think of Barber's "Adagio" I think of war movies. I think of how that song is used to survey the post-battle scene and is used as a requiem for the onslaught. And that perfectly describes what you've faced.

You are probably sitting in your basement listening to your super scratchy version of "Adagio". I remember telling you that you deserved a better copy of the recording, but you told me that you liked the scratches because the more you listened to it, the more scratches were added to the unbearable pain and sorrow described in those strings. And you told me that when your record can no longer be played then you will know that your time is up.

So needless to say, I am very concerned with how much you may be listening to this record. I believe that you are sitting in a room with Barber tearing apart your speakers the same way it will tear apart your soul. I cannot feed you with false hope and I will not give empty promises, but I may be the only person you have left and it is my duty to try and stop you. Please. Don't wear that record out just yet. Hang on. Just a little longer...