University Red Tape Is Stupid: An Epic Saga: Abridged Version
Once upon a time there was a foolish graduate student who thought, after passing oral exams, that she could take the summer off "officially," spend the three months on her dissertation prospectus (the normal amount of time it would take), and turn it in on the first day of fall term.
She was a foolish, foolish student.
Several days AFTER the deadline to add summer classes, our foolish heroine was informed that her prospectus would be due on August 15th, giving her only a month and a half to write it. Our heroine considers her options: "I can try to get a day off of work to go to campus and chase people to sign a petition to register and pay $25 for the delightful experience, or I can just write the damn thing without signing up for research credits, which I don't need, and save the time and money." Common sense dictated that not wasting several hours and a few dozen bucks to get a piece of paper saying she had taken research credits (which are a mere formality) was good plan of action.
But, woe unto our student . . . one day she DARED to USE THE LIBRARY!!!!!!
Several months later, our heroine tries to register for fall research credits, which actually do matter, and found her registration blocked. Her only clue for the block was a mysterious code: "GRADSCHL." She contacted the graduate school. Several days passed. And several more. Finally, 48 hours before the last day to add classes for THIS term, she receives a message:
"Your registration and advancement to candidacy have been blocked. Over the summer, you utilized University faculty time and/or facilities. You must be registered to do so. Therefore, you must file a petition to register for this past summer in order for your registration to be unblocked."
Translation: We shouldn't have let you use the library. In order to rectify our mistake and make sure no rules were broken, you have to spend $100 on a petition to register . . . that's right, you get to wander all over campus for three hours collecting various stamps and signatures, and pay for it, because we accidentally let you check out a book for a couple of hours when you weren't registered.
After replying that the situation would be remedied posthaste, our heroine swept away and collected the required information. She returned to the computer to doublecheck everything and found the following disheartening message: "The [Stupid Goddamned] Form must be printed out on pink paper and . . . .." (Editorial note: I shit you not. Pink paper. Thanks for telling me that minor detail before, buttmunch.)
It seems that I will register late AGAIN, which will require ANOTHER petition, because I don't happen to have pink paper stocked at my desk. I know, it's all my fault. All professors and graduate students should have an abundance of pink paper, seeing how useful it is when you're conducting professional-type correspondence.
By the time all this is fixed, I will have paid $125, plus the cost of a piece of pink fucking paper, for checking out a library book for two hours over the summer. And the damn thing wasn't even useful for my research.
Once upon a time there was a foolish graduate student who thought, after passing oral exams, that she could take the summer off "officially," spend the three months on her dissertation prospectus (the normal amount of time it would take), and turn it in on the first day of fall term.
She was a foolish, foolish student.
Several days AFTER the deadline to add summer classes, our foolish heroine was informed that her prospectus would be due on August 15th, giving her only a month and a half to write it. Our heroine considers her options: "I can try to get a day off of work to go to campus and chase people to sign a petition to register and pay $25 for the delightful experience, or I can just write the damn thing without signing up for research credits, which I don't need, and save the time and money." Common sense dictated that not wasting several hours and a few dozen bucks to get a piece of paper saying she had taken research credits (which are a mere formality) was good plan of action.
But, woe unto our student . . . one day she DARED to USE THE LIBRARY!!!!!!
Several months later, our heroine tries to register for fall research credits, which actually do matter, and found her registration blocked. Her only clue for the block was a mysterious code: "GRADSCHL." She contacted the graduate school. Several days passed. And several more. Finally, 48 hours before the last day to add classes for THIS term, she receives a message:
"Your registration and advancement to candidacy have been blocked. Over the summer, you utilized University faculty time and/or facilities. You must be registered to do so. Therefore, you must file a petition to register for this past summer in order for your registration to be unblocked."
Translation: We shouldn't have let you use the library. In order to rectify our mistake and make sure no rules were broken, you have to spend $100 on a petition to register . . . that's right, you get to wander all over campus for three hours collecting various stamps and signatures, and pay for it, because we accidentally let you check out a book for a couple of hours when you weren't registered.
After replying that the situation would be remedied posthaste, our heroine swept away and collected the required information. She returned to the computer to doublecheck everything and found the following disheartening message: "The [Stupid Goddamned] Form must be printed out on pink paper and . . . .." (Editorial note: I shit you not. Pink paper. Thanks for telling me that minor detail before, buttmunch.)
It seems that I will register late AGAIN, which will require ANOTHER petition, because I don't happen to have pink paper stocked at my desk. I know, it's all my fault. All professors and graduate students should have an abundance of pink paper, seeing how useful it is when you're conducting professional-type correspondence.
By the time all this is fixed, I will have paid $125, plus the cost of a piece of pink fucking paper, for checking out a library book for two hours over the summer. And the damn thing wasn't even useful for my research.
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To be fair, it's also pieced together with my general informedness on theology and history, but I may also just be talking out of my ass.