suntlacrimae

Now that I know you're reading:

I'll say these same things again to you later, but I wanted to say them here as well.

I did the things I did because I loved you and wanted to protect you from any amount of pain that I could. The reasons I gave you at first ARE the reasons why I want to break up. The rest was just a stimulus, a reason to do so now whether than later. Either way, it would have ended.

I still love you, and I love you harder every time you lash out at me.

Because that's what love is.

It doesn't stop when one person hurts the other, or when the relationship falls apart. True love endures. It survives angry words, changes in situation, loss of a romantic element. Even death. There is no force on the planet, no torture that could keep me from loving you. But we're not right for each other, and that's going to hurt both of us. You're not the right person for me, and that hurts me worse than you can image, and it doesn't stop me from loving you.

I hope that someday you can understand the type of love I'm talking about. The type that can survive breakups and not living happily ever after. I hope you'll understand that love doesn't come in one flavor. It isn't all or nothing. Love isn't about ownership or possession. It's about who the person is. I know you, and I love you. Even if we can't be together. Even if you never speak to me again.

I love you, even if we're not together, and my love for you will never change no matter how many mistakes I make or how hard you try to hurt me. It won't change even if you do learn to hate me. Believe that I'm hurting myself more than you could ever hurt me. And that I'm accepting every comment and wound, patiently, with the knowledge that I deserve it and the hope that it will bring you some peace. I'm always going to love you, whether you like it or not. And I'll gladly and proudly flaunt that here.