Right got to sort things out. Im on anti-depressants,which should lift my mood. Im feeling better today,need to look after brother too. Im so fucking sick with myself for doing what did i will never do that again. Not for anyone else but for me.It was sick but i think i reached my max i had to find some release. I will get better everyone will be shocked and i can say hahahahaha im better so there. I will live till im old and grey and live thro every day that hurts with the feeling of getting stronger.I will beat this the fuckers in my head. I will rely on myself me and me will win and see it through.Im a strong woman i will win. God i sound like a maniac ah well whats normal these days. I think i have right to be kinda fucked in the head.Friends are being great helping me through it.