sunshinpixie

Not sure what to write in my journal. Yesterday feels like a blurr. Im going to see a psychiatric nurse today.They think im ill.Im so ashamed of yesterday i just wanted to let some of the pain out.Things are over with Tom. I have to admit that so i don't text or phone him. Its hard to figure how he managed with me the last couple of weeks.I know you may read this i just want you to know that none of what happened to me was your fault or i think it was your fault. You were there for me all you could be and im grateful for that. This is not me i don't even know myself anymore.Looking back there were times when i have been so out of order i felt guilty and angry at theworld and put on to you. You are none of the things i have said unreliable,pathetic, you are not even weak. You just got to the point were it was too much. You were strong for me and did the best you could. This is all my shit.The games got aout of control after the death i wanted to keep you but ended up pushing you away.Im apologise from the bottom of my heart you saw me that way yesterday. I want to get better i hope i do at least for Kieran.

Please may i be strong.