sunshinpixie

Well follow up of last entry. I have finally found it someone who gives without expectin it back who does not hld anything against me. I can cry about my brother and feel its totally ok. Things are said when they are actually meant. Finally i have what i want. I have lost alot but also found alot.

Nothing will ever replace my los for...
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Well lots of things have happened. I have a new boyfriend called Luke. I like him a lot he makes me smile so so much. He is quiet which is refreshing. It is so easy to get along with each other we almost rebound off one another.He knows alot of my friends as we were friends before but nothing ever happened.

Well we will see...
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Well i started my new job on Monday which was nice.i had to get up at 6.15, which was bit crap. But kinda getting into it. I have my own desk im in charge of holidays hours and sickness its quite a big job and i can't get it wrong.Jon is coming to see me soon.He may have some work for me when he works...
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Its been hard today. Miss Kieran alot went to his grave. I feel sad as though people think i want to play the victim card. I feel sad that im in this position. But i also feel strong. Im worried that i have really hurt tom and and that he will never talk to me again.Its not something to be proud of when you hurt...
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well today has been productive. Have new job and as someone putting data on the computer not highly interesting but good pay.Busy weekend dinner on sat and luch sunday plus dance tom and a supper kinda thing. Spoke to Rich today aw what a guy he a nice guy been friends since sep but just real close. He might come to my birthday thing in...
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And on the up note i am alot better. I went dancing for three hours last night which i great. Had lots of fun.I am inb a support group now and seeing a bereavement counsellor. I feel much better than yesterday. Cat is being fucking amazing. She has helped me realise i can do this by myself.So, life is finally coming together. woohoo. Oh and...
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I feel let down. I feel betrayed . I feel a load of bullshit was fed to me. I feel lonely. I feel like i dont fucking deserve this. I feel enclosed trapped. I feel souless, and feel fustrated . I feel unheard . i feel worse. I feel angry. I feel no one believes in me. I beleive i must have a sign on...
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Right got to sort things out. Im on anti-depressants,which should lift my mood. Im feeling better today,need to look after brother too. Im so fucking sick with myself for doing what did i will never do that again. Not for anyone else but for me.It was sick but i think i reached my max i had to find some release. I will get better everyone...
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Great im sudated feel bit dopey .Cat been nice been speaking on phone and stuff.

Not sure what to write in my journal. Yesterday feels like a blurr. Im going to see a psychiatric nurse today.They think im ill.Im so ashamed of yesterday i just wanted to let some of the pain out.Things are over with Tom. I have to admit that so i don't text or phone him. Its hard to figure how he managed with me the last...
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i have to add that the world did steal my flower too soon. From the song by Annie Lennox.

Going home today. I have realised i am actually happy for people i wanbt peoplei know to have fun. To live life to the max and if that means leaving me behind then so be it. I realise my path is not going to be easy but i want my friends etc to be happy. I used to resent people having fun but now its...
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