sunnysunny

apparently, my body doesn't want to stay at rest anymore. it always finds a lame excuse to hop out of bed in the wee hours of morning. sometimes, it seems i get up to watch the sun rise. sometimes, its for a gulp of milk straight from the container. sometimes, its awful, vivid dreams that scare me half to death. other times, its just the sheer state of contemplation that i'm in.
i've been thinking a lot about a few certain things lately. while that nice time i had a few months ago was short-lived, then i question the "unfathomable" and wish that there was some kind of guiding force to show me the way to satiation. certain things exist in my life that i just can't do anymore. i'm trying to work it out, there's a battle going on between the two sides of my brain, and one is winning by a couple of points. i don't like myself anymore. i got used to me, and accepted the good and the bad that came along with it, but now i'm not me. its like someone has taken control over my body and my actions and my voice and does and says these stupid things that i never would. i have this false persona.
sometimes i feel like i'm living in an alternate reality, one where nothing makes any sense, but by not making sense, it all makes perfect sense.
i can't think. i'm dizzy and my head really hurts. maybe i should go to bed.