Sometimes life catches me off-guard. The one thing I would never think to expect to happen... will, right when I least expect it..
For some odd reason I wasn't feeling myself yesterday. I felt really anti-social and sad all day. I was confused about it all myself, because I had a good weekend. Nothing had gone wrong at all. Then last night while I was sitting outside taking my last smoke break for the night I suddenly felt extremely sad. I wanted to cry but had no reason, I just became overwhelmed. So, I tried to relax and enjoy the nice weather, watched the airplanes go by, until I finally got up and went to bed. Well, now I know what I was so sad about. This morning when I came home, I talked to my mom and the first thing she said was that Nick* had a stroke and he was in the ICU.
* Nick was the man my mother was somewhat seeing right before her my father got divorced. After that my life changed dramatically, life was no peach. I was three at the time. When I got older my dad told me Nick was the reason he left my mom and asked for a divorce. He said he could never forgive her for that, he had enough.
In turn, I grew up hating this man with every possible bone in my body for tearing my family apart, one of which I only had the luxury of enjoying for a few short years. The kind of loss he could never understand. To this day, my parents still won't speak to eachother.
Now I find out he has had a stroke and might have to undergo brain surgery. My mother always maintained a good friendship w/ Nick, but even when he came over to visit I would not say more than 4 words. "Why are you here?" Now I feel so sad for this man, for the first time in my life. I never wanted to see him in pain, or come this close to dying..even as much as I disliked him. He has tried many times to be my friend, but I was never even close to willing. I know its not all his fault. It's my mothers fault too, and I also know my mom and dad would never had stayled together regardless, he's a tough guy to live with. So, this is a big step for me. I am going to go see him, and tell him my mother and I both* care, and will be here for him. I feel my confort is all I have to offer at this point, and I won't deny anyone of that.
sorry this was so serious, it's just been one of those days.
For some odd reason I wasn't feeling myself yesterday. I felt really anti-social and sad all day. I was confused about it all myself, because I had a good weekend. Nothing had gone wrong at all. Then last night while I was sitting outside taking my last smoke break for the night I suddenly felt extremely sad. I wanted to cry but had no reason, I just became overwhelmed. So, I tried to relax and enjoy the nice weather, watched the airplanes go by, until I finally got up and went to bed. Well, now I know what I was so sad about. This morning when I came home, I talked to my mom and the first thing she said was that Nick* had a stroke and he was in the ICU.
* Nick was the man my mother was somewhat seeing right before her my father got divorced. After that my life changed dramatically, life was no peach. I was three at the time. When I got older my dad told me Nick was the reason he left my mom and asked for a divorce. He said he could never forgive her for that, he had enough.
In turn, I grew up hating this man with every possible bone in my body for tearing my family apart, one of which I only had the luxury of enjoying for a few short years. The kind of loss he could never understand. To this day, my parents still won't speak to eachother.
Now I find out he has had a stroke and might have to undergo brain surgery. My mother always maintained a good friendship w/ Nick, but even when he came over to visit I would not say more than 4 words. "Why are you here?" Now I feel so sad for this man, for the first time in my life. I never wanted to see him in pain, or come this close to dying..even as much as I disliked him. He has tried many times to be my friend, but I was never even close to willing. I know its not all his fault. It's my mothers fault too, and I also know my mom and dad would never had stayled together regardless, he's a tough guy to live with. So, this is a big step for me. I am going to go see him, and tell him my mother and I both* care, and will be here for him. I feel my confort is all I have to offer at this point, and I won't deny anyone of that.
sorry this was so serious, it's just been one of those days.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
...and whas with the serious journal entry dude!!?? Your killing my buzz!!