sullengirl

Should I take that as a low blow Mr. Alias

..::chuckles::..

ahhhh.... lets see.... responses;

It was funny when I read your previous comments cause I was contemplating just the idea of suicide at that time... but not because I had done everything I've wanted

I didn't know what I wanted
I didn't really have a purpose, plan, or destination
I felt like I was loosing something
I detest being beaten
So I was thinking what I would do if things got really bad...
But then it's that question whether they were weak or strong for taking their life that makes me think twice.

Couldn't she handle life? She always did seem a bit stressful even though she had almost everything she could ever want. Or was it she was so strong willed that she knew there was no beating the "system" and obtaining endless happiness because there was no such thing? Was she dillusional? Oh the questions..... and how I'd just want to smack and shake every person who would question my motives for demise.


Then I realized I could never come to kill myself.
I'm not into physical pain for the sake of, well, pain.
Plus, I have some sick-sad-sorry hope that there is something pleasant at the end for me... not neccessarily a God's Heaven, but even just my last days on earth be the way I wanted would suffice for all the shit life gave me.

yeah...... it's not like that now however, I found what I was missing.

I've made some plans and I'm looking forward to them

It's weird, cause I haven't had much to look forward to in the last 4 years.


ANyWays..... yeah I'm real bad with timing and words are definitely not my forte tonight... well actually ever