suiciety

well, we all seem to have a funny way of showing off our bathroom surgery. its seems that i will bring myself to my knees before i will let anything good take ahold of me. even the blood in my eyes doesn't seem cloud what i am seeing. climax. its what my life seems to be doing. maybe not my life, but every aspect of it. or the people in my life are. i am not sure. makes you think about a lot of things when someone that was an intregral part of your life calls to tell you that they were in an accident. i was offered a hand to never leave. 2680 miles makes you think about a lot of things. there are a lot of people i want back in my life. things are so overwhelming to me. details get so overlooked until they smack me in the face. i can't hold up this house of cards. stand your ground right? this is what we fight for? don't stange as a total stranger. time to think is dangerous. really what am i doing. i just want to be adaquate. i want to be enough to need as well as want. i want someone to look at me the way i look at them.