Well...
1 day left until i fly out to finally feel Alice next to me. I can't believe how slowly this past fortnight has gone. It seems to have been forever. I've never felt anticipation like this for anything before. The past 4 months have been a completely new life for me. New feelings, new emotions, new realisations, new outlook.
That one person can change me so much....wake me up inside like that....I don't know how to explain, but I feel so different, like someone shone a torch in my head and heart and found things I thought I'd never find.
There is nothing as important to me now as Alice. I hope people close to me realise that. Not so much for my sake.
As much as I'm happy in myself right now, I'm terrified too. I've never had these emotions before. I've never given myself up to anyone. I've never told someone I loved them, or had their hurt affect me so much, or felt so helpless to do anything to ease their pain, or care enough to want to. I've been pretty dead inside for most of my life in that respect. Not that I'm a callous person, or hardened to any kind of emotion, just i never had it touch me so deeply.
If she cries it makes me want to cry, if she laughs I instantly feel happy and laugh, too. If she seems upset I instinctively want to find out why so I can try to make it better. These aren't things I've felt before, and I'm trying my best not to question it, or figure out why, but sometimes my fear gets the better of me and I sit worrying, freaking out, angry then at myself. Fear is why I've never had this. Fear has stopped me all my life. Fear is my enemy, and I will not give in this time.
It's a lifetime of nevers and a few months of never befores.
I love you, Alice. I know you know that, and I probably say it too much, but there....I've said it again.
Thanks for listening!
* * *
edited 15:44, 10/4/07 to add:
I'm trying to understand what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm still patient, hon. I want to be all that you want and need.
1 day left until i fly out to finally feel Alice next to me. I can't believe how slowly this past fortnight has gone. It seems to have been forever. I've never felt anticipation like this for anything before. The past 4 months have been a completely new life for me. New feelings, new emotions, new realisations, new outlook.
That one person can change me so much....wake me up inside like that....I don't know how to explain, but I feel so different, like someone shone a torch in my head and heart and found things I thought I'd never find.
There is nothing as important to me now as Alice. I hope people close to me realise that. Not so much for my sake.
As much as I'm happy in myself right now, I'm terrified too. I've never had these emotions before. I've never given myself up to anyone. I've never told someone I loved them, or had their hurt affect me so much, or felt so helpless to do anything to ease their pain, or care enough to want to. I've been pretty dead inside for most of my life in that respect. Not that I'm a callous person, or hardened to any kind of emotion, just i never had it touch me so deeply.
If she cries it makes me want to cry, if she laughs I instantly feel happy and laugh, too. If she seems upset I instinctively want to find out why so I can try to make it better. These aren't things I've felt before, and I'm trying my best not to question it, or figure out why, but sometimes my fear gets the better of me and I sit worrying, freaking out, angry then at myself. Fear is why I've never had this. Fear has stopped me all my life. Fear is my enemy, and I will not give in this time.
It's a lifetime of nevers and a few months of never befores.
I love you, Alice. I know you know that, and I probably say it too much, but there....I've said it again.
Thanks for listening!
* * *
edited 15:44, 10/4/07 to add:
I'm trying to understand what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm still patient, hon. I want to be all that you want and need.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
beckyjane:
Safe travels.
peas:
safe trip dave. love you both. <33
<33