we just took down the xmas decorations. there are green and brown needles all over the carpet, in the corner. that corner looks empty now. i said "we should put a giant bonsai tree there." but it wouldn't get any sunlight. it would have to be fake, and plastic, like everything else here.
do you want to know what great personal revelation i came away with from 2003? it's this: i am not trying hard enough.
i need to get a job, to support my lifestyle. i can't afford music, or comics, or magazine subscriptions, or sex toys, or alcohol, or much of anything anymore. and i need to do this SOON. like, now. february brings valentine's day, the SG Burlesque, and a birthday.
and yet, before that can happen, i really need to get MYSELF together. i need to be drawing on a regular basis, and doing stuff with it. more than just random sketches. i need to be taking more pictures, and not just the occasional photographic mess. and desktops- more of those. i need to be more creative. making things feel productive, feels good. i need to make some other changes in my life. i'm working on them, but things move so slowly when you spend all day in a few unchanging rooms.
"cabin fever" isn't the word, but it's the first thing that comes to mind.
she says, "more skinny sissy boys?" she doesn't say "boyz," she says "boyce." it's like a brick in the head. stunned, disoriented, and falling.
i have a cd on the stereo. the scareo. why does it feel like it's the first music i've heard in days?
meh- i'm rambling now. it's just because i keep so much stuff inside and when i open up a little, it all just comes gushing forth.
do you want to know what great personal revelation i came away with from 2003? it's this: i am not trying hard enough.
i need to get a job, to support my lifestyle. i can't afford music, or comics, or magazine subscriptions, or sex toys, or alcohol, or much of anything anymore. and i need to do this SOON. like, now. february brings valentine's day, the SG Burlesque, and a birthday.
and yet, before that can happen, i really need to get MYSELF together. i need to be drawing on a regular basis, and doing stuff with it. more than just random sketches. i need to be taking more pictures, and not just the occasional photographic mess. and desktops- more of those. i need to be more creative. making things feel productive, feels good. i need to make some other changes in my life. i'm working on them, but things move so slowly when you spend all day in a few unchanging rooms.
"cabin fever" isn't the word, but it's the first thing that comes to mind.
she says, "more skinny sissy boys?" she doesn't say "boyz," she says "boyce." it's like a brick in the head. stunned, disoriented, and falling.
i have a cd on the stereo. the scareo. why does it feel like it's the first music i've heard in days?
meh- i'm rambling now. it's just because i keep so much stuff inside and when i open up a little, it all just comes gushing forth.
phedre:
Nothing wrong with a bit of a ramble. I mean, that's what journals are for, right?