suffuse

So it seems I've been neglecting to update/post anything on this site of late. For those that actually read this, I appologize. For some reason I haven't really been able to get myself motivated enough to do much of anything lately. Even if it's something as simple as writing a post/journal.

People say that before you can understand others, you need to know yourself. I completely agree with this and have been trying to start understanding myself better, but have been having a rough time doing so, i guess you could say. I'm finding it to probably be one of the toughest things I've tried to do, and truthfully I've got no clue as to where to start anymore. I've been in denial, or surpressing or ignoring feelings/thoughts/emotions within me for so long that I've forgotten about most of it, or how to act upon it, and am now stuck with the end effect of having done this most of my life. As to wether or not the end effect is good or bad.... don't really know. I do know that I am not where I want my life to be. It used to be I felt content at least outside of work as to where I'm at in life, . Now, most of the time I just feel "lost" as if I should be doing something else, or something like that. Can't really explain it in words... never really been good at it. Which is part of the problem.

Anyways, enough of that. On a good note, three and a half more months and I'll be out of this hell hole and off to San Antonio, TX for x-ray tech training.