suburbanslave

My life is so shitty sometimes. I wish it would just stay in one place and not give me really good days and then extremly shitty days. Yesterday everything was great. Today things are bad. On top of being sick, my mom saw the tattoos on my feet. So we had as much of a conversation as we could have and she told me that she is not paying for skool past this fall semester.
I guess I should explain my little deal with my mom. I dropped out of HS when i was a freshman because I was too busy doing drugs and pissing my life away. Then when I was 17 and begining to try and clean up my life, I told her that I wanted to go to college. So she made a deal with me and told me that as long as I got good grades, then she would pay half my rent, make my car payments and pay my insurace. I was so stoked that she was willing to help me out like that cause I knew there was no way I could do it all on my own. So I spent the next 3 yrs working 40+ hrs a week and going to skool full time. I moved around a lot never liking any of the skools I went to and the store I ran in Denver closed so I had nothing there. And thats when I moved to TX. I had a good job and took a few classes at some skool in Dallas, just killing time till I could move to Austin.
Well Ive been in Austin for a yr now and I still havent found a job...given I wasnt looking for a while since I was making money doing odd jobs on the side. And only really looked when things got so bad, I didnt know how I was going to eat or pay bills, but things have always seemed to work out. But over the past month, Ive bee nfucked. I have been looking for a job with no luck and Ive got a pile of bills that I dont know how they are going to get paid. I had a roommate who fucked me over like he always does and its my fault for letting him take advatage of me. Its also my fault for making excuse why I didnt need to get a job.
So here I am, so close to graduating skool, having my car paid off and Im totally fucked. I really wanted to go on for my masters but there is no way I can afford it. She is also taking back the offer of helping me out in opening the porno store and that sucks too. But I guess if it is something I want bad enough, I will have to work really hard for it and not expect it to just be handed to me. Dont get me wrong, Im not spoiled and my mom is not rich. But to her, skool is important...I would have been the only person in my family to get a degree. So we'll see...I'll only have one more semester until I graduate...Im sure students with bad credit can get some type of loan - my credit is slowly going down the drain since every bill I have is being sent to collections. fuck..I sound so pathetic. Well Im going to go lay down and pretend this day never happened.