Last year, after 81 games, the Chicago Cubs were a robust 29-52. About a month ago, the 2007 edition looked to be headed to the same sucktastic fate. They were expensive, and bad (you know-like "Evan Almighty") and you wanted to like them, but they were making it impossible.
They did dumb things, and they did those dumb things a lot. For some reason, we continued to watch them do those dumb things and while we yelled at the TV a lot, nothing really changed.
Things got so bad that one of the pitchers beat the living shit out of his catcher. Those of us who didn't like the catcher knew it was wrong, but we still enjoyed it.
Maybe that was just me. Regardless, we were headed for another long summer. The kind that are the equivalent of nailing your scrotum to the diving board and jumping in the pool anyway.
But a funny thing started to happen to our Cubs. In fact, it happened two days after Carlos Zambrano dotted Michael Barrett's eye(s) and lip, and one day after Grandpa Lou Piniella threw a beautifully choreographed tantrum (all that was missing was the theme from "Carmen") and buried the third base umpire up to his ankles.
The Cubs started to play like they had a pulse. More importantly, they began to play baseball the Tom Emanski way. Showing off the kind of aptitude that leads to back to back to back AAU champions, the Cubs stopped throwing behind runners, getting picked off any base at any time and the relief pitchers stopped that annoying habit of dousing themselves with gasoline before leaving the bullpen.
We weren't sure if we were really seeing progress at first. They went to Milwaukee and won two of three and lost E-ramis Ramirez to a sore knee. Then they went to Atlanta and won the first two games of a four game set. Then they lost two, including a game in which Ted Lilly got tossed for allegedly (I hope he was) throwing at Edgar Renteria one night after Tim Hudson ran out of Tampax and spazzed out at Alfonso Soriano.
Only the most perceptive of Cubs fans would have noticed that a 4-3 road trip had started the team around the corner. I'm not saying I was one of those.
They spun their wheels with a .500 home stand against Seattle and San Diego (one that would have been a 4-2 homestand if the Asshole Catcher could have picked up a rolling baseball, or if Jock Jones could have thrown a ball 200 feet in the air.)
They lost two of three in Texas, but we hardly noticed because after game one of that series, Asshole Catcher was traded to San Diego. After 72 straight hours of non-stop drinking to celebrate, we awoke to find the Cubs well on their way to sweeping the White Sox, and then the Rockies, and then taking two of three from the Brewers. Holy crap!
Now, suddenly, they look like a real baseball team. And it looks like actual, tangible, sustainable progress. Mike Fontenot isn't going to hit .381 all year, but nobody else is playing out of their minds.
For the most part these days, the Cubs put a lineup on the field devoid of Jock Jones and Cesar Izturis. Felix Pie is still trying to find his way at the plate, but his centerfield defense has to make things easier on the pitching staff. Mark DeRosa has been tremendous of late. He doesn't care what position he plays or where he's batting, he just plays. E-ramis is relatively healthy and hammering the ball, and Alfonso Soriano finally looks like somebody that a drunk, artery clogged GM might throw $136 million at. Derrek Lee's hitting .340 and all is right with the Cubs.
The biggest turnaround though belongs to Carlos Zambrano. He was downright terrible for two full months, but he kicked it in the ass after he was pummeled by the Braves (and responded by returning the pummeling to Barrett). Carlos Marmol has emerged as the Cubs' best reliever, Will Ohman is still a complete horse's ass, but even he's getting guys out. The only completely useless pitcher left on the staff is Scott Eyre.
That's not to say that there aren't some troubling sights. The first was the reach around Cesar gave E-ramis after his electrifying game winning homer against Milwaukee on Friday. Wow. R. Lee Ermey would be impressed. The rest of us are still in shock.
Bob Howry's still not quite right. Ryan Dempster is on the DL, and you get the distinct impression that he's only on it because Jim Hendry fucked up the Jock Jones to Florida trade and needed a roster spot. Cesar's still on the team. So's Jock. At least Lou has the foresight to treat them like really expensive paper weights on his bench.
The Brewers have not yet cooperated. They've been playing their best baseball while the Cubs have been playing theirs. But screw them. The Cubs just need to keep winning and they'll catch up. Even if they don't, both teams seem good enough now that they can each pick on the four terrible teams in the division and pile up records good enough to put the Wild Card in play in the NL Central. While teams like Philadelphia, Atlanta, San Diego, Los Angeles and Arizona are busy playing each other, the Cubs and Brewers get to load up on the Reds, Pirates, Cardinals and Houston. You don't have to actually be the best team to not win your division, you just need to have the best record of those teams to get into the playoffs. Who cares if the NL Central has turned into the Special Olympics?
Besides, had the last two World Series not been tragically cancelled due to a lack of interest, there's a good chance that the woeful NL Central might have had the last three NL pennant winners come out of it.
Then again, you'd feel better about things if you thought that the Cubs could take on a little payroll to afford them the opportunity to improve their team between now and the end of the season. While the sale of the Cubs by the Tribune is in the long term interests of Cubs' fans everywhere, it's a short-term pain in the ass.
You almost expect Lou to have to pull the team together on July 31 before that night's game with Philadelphia and give a speech similar to the one Deke Slayton gave the Apollo astronauts in 1968. Slayton's speech was simple. He called all of the astronauts into a conference room, closed the door and said, "The men in this room are going to make the lunar missions. The first man to walk on the moon just walked through that door."
Lou's speech will have to explain to his Cubs that the men in this room are the ones who have to make the playoff run in 2007. The checkbook is closed. Nobody else is coming in as a reinforcement. In other words, it's up to them.
Will it be enough? Who knows? After all this, the Cubs are still a 41-40 baseball team. That's no great shakes. But given where they started and how they are playing, it at least gives us the promise of a fun summer.
Last weekactually, in the span of a scant four days, the Cubs gave us two of the most memorable and improbable games in a very long time. They tempted fate with one of the worst losses in years, then pulled it back to overcome blowing a five run lead in the ninth to win with two in the bottom of the inning, and then E-ramis sent a message to the Brewers, capping a three run ninth on Friday with a bomb that created the first ever Cesarian Low Five. Ouch. Or is it a low two?
We're not asking for much. We just want some competence from the team we're rooting for. Win more than you lose, weasel your way into the playoff hunt the last couple weeks and we'll see what happens.
Surprisinglyamazingly, they seem headed just that way. Who knew?
