okay yknow how whenever your at the mall and you so much as make eye contact with one of the people at those cell phone kiosks they start chattering at you and trying to give you all sorts of fliers? well i figured out how to stop that!
today at the mall it was the usual routine, i accidentally glace over at something shiny only to find out its a cell phone at the booth and i get swarmed by salesmen.
well this time i DID take one of their filers.
i took it and i ate it.
didnt say a word just politely took the flier from him, looked at it for a fraction of a second, stuffed it in my mouth and walked away chewing.
of course i spit it out as soon as i was out of sight, but as i was leaving the mall i walked by there again as purposely lookd right at the guys and they turned away and acted busy
so thats the secret! they dont want to sell crazy people phones!
aint i just priceless?
today at the mall it was the usual routine, i accidentally glace over at something shiny only to find out its a cell phone at the booth and i get swarmed by salesmen.
well this time i DID take one of their filers.
i took it and i ate it.
didnt say a word just politely took the flier from him, looked at it for a fraction of a second, stuffed it in my mouth and walked away chewing.
of course i spit it out as soon as i was out of sight, but as i was leaving the mall i walked by there again as purposely lookd right at the guys and they turned away and acted busy
so thats the secret! they dont want to sell crazy people phones!
aint i just priceless?
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It also works quite well in a number of other situations, for acting crazier than a shithouse rat has it's advantages...For example:
You are in a Bar with your fiends, possibly a loverly lady, whatever...Some fuckin drunk shithead jock suddenly sees you and decides that your date would look better on nim than she does with you...He stumbles over, rollin up his shirt to expose his steroid induced bulk, and queezily does something, which in HIS drunken state of mind is as smooth as creme, but it is just revolting to everyone else...People Laugh, and he gets roid rage, and YOU suddenly become the bane of his existance...
What do you do?
Act like the most fierce and maddest motherfucker this drunk piece of shit has ever seen...Throw some completely clever but confusing body motions to emphasize your lunacy (Like eating the drink menu or something) even quack like a duck, a la Manhattan Ripper style, compliments of Fulci, and then proceed to tell the dumb fuck that if he was only a bit drunker...you would actually consider killing him so you can feed them to your pet python, cause the Babies just aren't holding up as a good enough food staple anymore, and then throw some Monty Python walk and talk in there, and BANG! I betcha my Lily White ass that his eyebrows will retract, and he will proceed to carefully turn away, and run like hell...Hopefully falling over his shoes that were cleverly tied together by that sexy hottie on your arm...and There ya go...Not only did you avert disaster..But you also made someone extremely uncomfortable, and you look great while the drunk fucker tries for 2 hours to walk.
Well...It works for me anyhow...
Anyways Jig...Just wanted to say I want invites to the wedding, and I shall buy you two a toaster!!
(Hey! What kind of Horror Harlot would I be If I did NOT give you something that burns and causes bloody wounds as a wedding gift...You silly people in love...aw...what a lot!)
Slimy Smooches!