Isn't it always nice to find out what people really think of you? Especially when youve lived with them your whole life. Yeah thats fun iddn't it? At dinner tonight me and my parents got to discussing my plans for the future (i.e. college). I mentioned how what I really wanted to do was get myself out of Texas as soon as possible so i could go to a college some place that I actually LIKED. My dad told me about how much more expensive it is to go to an out of state college but I said i didn't care because its what I wanted. Well this got him angry because he thought I meant "I don't care how much it costs YOU as long as I get what I want." I tried to explain that , no, I meant i planned to start working so I could pay for myself. But he still was very upset and I didnt get why. He stormed out and so I finished up and then went up to my room. A few minutes later i hear him talking rather loudly and angrily and I hear my name mentioned so I open my door and listen. And oh the things I learned about myself! As it turns out I'm irresponsible, immature, impulsive, ungrateful, unprepared, uninformed, and many other poor qualities. There was even a rather unflattering impression of me thrown into the mix. It went a little something like "Ewww! Look at me! I keep my hair over my eyes and have metal shit sticking out of my lip!" and while those things may be true I was unaware that my voice sounded like a drunken retard having a stroke. I was so shocked I just sort of sat there in the doorway thinking for a long time. Thinking about what I should say, or if I should say anything. After a while he came up the stairs to get his shower, and saw me still sitting there. Even though I'd been sitting there for so long coming up with a whole speech I wanted to say to him all I got out was "You want me to want to stay here? Maybe you shouldnt talk so loud." Then that initiated a rather sevirre shouting match and he grabbed my arm and I actually thought for a second he was gonna hit me but then he just stopped and went to his bedroom, actually looking like he was fighting back tears. Thats pretty much it. After that I sat down here and started writing. I always knew my dad and i didnt agree on many things but I always still thought he at least had SOME respect for me but it would seem I was wrong. I don't know if I can even look him in the eye now, its like hes a different person to me now. I'd never seen this side of him before. I appreciate all hes done for the family, but he truly has no idea who I am. He thinks I'm still a little kid who needs all his decisions made for him. And I think now that hes realizing that I have not grown up to be an obedient little clone to fill an office cubicle like him, all his real opinions of me are surfacing. Oddly though I'm not as upset as I perhaps should be. But I've always been closer to my mom than my dad. She's the one I really respect and look up to. She's really the one who raised me. Of course I know that every material thing I have is thanks to his hard work at his thankless job, and for that I'm thankful, but nontheless, Mom has always been The Parent. Well I'm sick of typing now. Sorry for the massive entry. I won't be shocked if no one reads the whole thing, but I really just wanted to vent a little bit.
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aversin:
Ok Jig, I understand what your feeling here. Hell, when I had that little bit with my father it did end with flying fists. Wound up with my mother berating both of us in the living room for letting it get to the point we were hitting each other. But I'm gonna play Devil's Advocate a bit here. Dad's are people too. They have off moments, temper tantrums, and fits of rage like almost everyone else. What ya said probably hurt his feelings, and he probably was venting in much the same way you were here. Try to keep that in mind. And Skeneo is right. Try to have a conversation and explain what it is that you want. It's your life too. You have the right to your opinions. As for being his little boy, you always will be. No matter how old you get or hard you push away. I'm a father myself. I can't imagine my boy not being my little boy. That's just the way we fathers are wired. You graduating and hitting adult hood is a moment for both you and your family. You are growing up, and the parents have to let you fly. They just hope they taught you how to well enough. Don't burn bridges if you don't have to man. That's my only advice here and the best I can give ya. What he said hurt your feelings. Let him know. Communication is important in all relationships, even home ones. Hope you are doing well, and I hope to see you this afternoon man.
kade:
Hah! you crack me up. And its a good point you make about the buffalo wings. Damn good point. I'll still never eat them. I just am not a red meat fan.