stuffoflegends

an open letter to all the lazy newbies who will be in my camp (hippocampus) this burn:
obviously, i cannot post this to my camp's internal list (unless i get really, stinko drunk or sumthin')

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hello hippos who i have never met
and that i probably won't introduce myself to:

yay!
i am sooooooooo excited that a friend of a friend of my podiatrist's aunt has invited me to thanksgiving dinner
i mean burning man
and i've been shopping and packing and readying myself for this all my life it seems

now
i know it's last minute and all
but i am sure you're done with all your stuff
so if you could kindly take the rest of your week
and find me a cheap ticket and deliver it to me saskatchwan
(and i really hope you can pick up the fedex because i spent
ALLLLL my money on vegan nondairy creamers made by nepalese jew(el) thieves as part of their work release program)
also there's been a few other items i have not been able to locate and was hoping this great community i've heard really nothing about
could come through for me. i will be forever grateful and i'll give you such a hug if/when i see you on the beach!
you burners are so clever with your nicknames. i am hoping i get a good one!!
i was hoping for leech (that's what my friends in the real world call me) but i hear that's been taken.
maybe pixie studmuffin might fit. you'll just love me if/when you finally have the honor to meet me

but you could have that chance if you pick me up at the reno airport
i will be happy to have my travel agent pass on the details
i'll just need a few stops for some last minute shopping along the way:
walmart is my fav' store! i just love how they treat their workers!

so yeah. i need a bike. preferably decorated. and if you could bring that to me in camp and take it home too-- that would be swell. i'm
having this problem with my ankle (i'll tell you if/when i see you) so if you could pedal it for me that would just be the bestest!!

ok, so i just need a few other non essential items:
headlamp
blinky lights
a tent (i've never slept in one before!!!)
goggles day/night
penis balm
a penis

oh you know what would make this easier for me?
just bring me all those items you sexy/helpful people were so kind to write about as essential for any good newbie!!

thanks again in advance
i know you will make my burn the one i deserve!!

kisses if i see you

-newbie