So, this will be your typical "emo-post." Everyone has to have a few in their blog, am I wrong?
So anyway, here is the deal. I have been unhappily single for about a year now. I say unhappily because, well, its the truth. When I was in high school and was the shy-geeky-overweight kid who could never get a date it always got me down, but that was before I ever had a serious relationship. Now I have one of those "you don't know what you got 'till it's gone" sorta feelings. For over a year, from around March 2005 to June 2006 I was going out with this girl named Jenn. We were very similar, both shy and introverted, similar senses of humour and also both very insecure. It was an excellent relationship I guess, we never fought once and we nothing ever seemed to go right. However, I guess I started to feel, I don't know, uneasy in our relationship. I felt like Jenn was taking me for granted and that our whole relationship was pretty much resting on my shoulders. Eventually I got so frustrated that I just boiled over and broke up with her, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. However, within days I realized how big a mistake I had made, but unfortunately Jenn wouldn't even talk to me at that point.
We eventually settled our differences and started talking again, and are still friends to this day. To some, this wouldn't be a problem but to me it is. The thing is, I still have very strong feelings for her. I still think about her every day, I can't seem to get over her. When I talk to her, I pretend that everything is fine, but in reality I wish it was back to the way it was before last June, but I feel like its not possible to do that again. I have tried meeting other girls, but I am never interested in dating any of them because none of them even compare to Jenn, I know I will never have another relationship like the one I had with her. Maybe it is because I never really got any closure with our relationship, it just kind of ended abruptly and we never talked about it in depth.
I really don't know what I should do. I feel like I should move on, try to meet other girls and let the past be the past, but part of me doesn't want to do that. I want what I had with Jenn back, but I know that will never happen. I wish I had the fucking answers for this. I really wish sometimes that I had never been in a relationship with her because the loneliness I felt back before I had ever had a girlfriend was nothing to the way I feel almost every day since we broke up. Why does life have to suck so bad sometimes?
So anyway, here is the deal. I have been unhappily single for about a year now. I say unhappily because, well, its the truth. When I was in high school and was the shy-geeky-overweight kid who could never get a date it always got me down, but that was before I ever had a serious relationship. Now I have one of those "you don't know what you got 'till it's gone" sorta feelings. For over a year, from around March 2005 to June 2006 I was going out with this girl named Jenn. We were very similar, both shy and introverted, similar senses of humour and also both very insecure. It was an excellent relationship I guess, we never fought once and we nothing ever seemed to go right. However, I guess I started to feel, I don't know, uneasy in our relationship. I felt like Jenn was taking me for granted and that our whole relationship was pretty much resting on my shoulders. Eventually I got so frustrated that I just boiled over and broke up with her, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. However, within days I realized how big a mistake I had made, but unfortunately Jenn wouldn't even talk to me at that point.
We eventually settled our differences and started talking again, and are still friends to this day. To some, this wouldn't be a problem but to me it is. The thing is, I still have very strong feelings for her. I still think about her every day, I can't seem to get over her. When I talk to her, I pretend that everything is fine, but in reality I wish it was back to the way it was before last June, but I feel like its not possible to do that again. I have tried meeting other girls, but I am never interested in dating any of them because none of them even compare to Jenn, I know I will never have another relationship like the one I had with her. Maybe it is because I never really got any closure with our relationship, it just kind of ended abruptly and we never talked about it in depth.
I really don't know what I should do. I feel like I should move on, try to meet other girls and let the past be the past, but part of me doesn't want to do that. I want what I had with Jenn back, but I know that will never happen. I wish I had the fucking answers for this. I really wish sometimes that I had never been in a relationship with her because the loneliness I felt back before I had ever had a girlfriend was nothing to the way I feel almost every day since we broke up. Why does life have to suck so bad sometimes?
Honestly, I had a relationship before the one i am in now which was my first relationship. I was like you, shy, incredibly geeky, and chubby. The relationship was with a chubby geeky guy, and we were wonderful in our little world no one else understood. We were so similar. Never had a fight. Then he broke up with me because he stopped loving me. It took me a year to get over it completely. But now I am in a relationship with a guy who is not very similar to me. He is social and used to be in ROTC and isn't super geeky (geeky enough for my taste, but not the genius IQ the other bf was). And you know what? It took me so long to discover that I am better matched with someone who is not just like me. Him being different allows us to learn from one another and to have fun instead of knowing EVERYTHING about one another and never discovering anything new.
Anyways... geez, my response is going to be longer than your post...
the moral of the story is you should move on. No matter what you had with her, I believe that because you ended the relationship, even if you got back together, it would never be like it once was. You should just have fun being single and you will probably just meet a girl who has a similar interest as you as time goes on.