strongmad

Well, if there was going to be a day to put a gun in my mouth, this would probably be the day. Fuck.

I got called on the carpet by my boss and basically demoted. They're not happy with my work, or more correctly are unhappy with my motivation for my work. They gave me two forced weeks of vacation (I have plenty to spare), starting immediately, to relieve my burnout. Then I return to a job I don't want and worked my ass off to get out of four years ago. The move is temporary, supposedly, but there's no time period on when or even if I'll ever return to my old position. Goddamn it.

The thing is, though I think some warning would have been warranted, I pretty much deserve it. I've been struggling so badly with depression the past year and basically fucking up. I still work a lot harder than most people, but this particular job requires extraordinary commitment, and I haven't been up to the challenge lately. And now I've fucked up the best thing about my life. SON OF A BITCH!

I thought about not writing about this, not proclaiming to the SG community what a fucktard I am, but then I figured what's the point of having a journal if you're going to filter yourself?

Someone please say something to make me feel better, even if you're lying.