strongbhoy

The Iron Circle: Anger and Demons

Why is it every time I go to watch one of my various teams play a sport, the game on TV before it always goes into overtime so I miss half of my game?

I could provide several examples of this because it happens quite frequently. Today, it was the Minnesota vs. UMD hockey game.

Anyways, I've done absolutely fuck all this weekend but watch sports, bum around on the internet and started to read yet another book.

The book is called "The Iron Circle: The True Life Story of Dominique Vandenberg".

I've been waiting for it to come out for months since I saw Vandenberg on G4TV advertising his movie "Pit fighter" and more importantly this book.

Vandenberg is unbelievable. I'm only 55 pages into this book and I'm already hooked on its no nonsense brutal style. In these first few chapters I've already witnessed eye gouging, ferocity and many life lessons, some of which I can apply to myself...which definitely contributes to the allure of this book.

In the beginning of the book Vandenberg, as a 16 year old goes to Japan to do some of the most intense martial arts training I've ever heard of....or even imagined.

After a sparring session in which his teacher sets three instructors on him, and he takes them out for awhile only to suffer a vicious beating after which, he comes to an important realization.

As he explains "my problem lay elsewhere, deeper. It was a problem of attitude or more precisely, of fear. I was afraid of hurting my attackers. In sparring contests I held back even when my partners didn't. . . [My Master] didn't think I had the killer instinct.

And then like a revelation it hit me. It wasn't that I didn't possess the killer instinct; what frightened me was that I possessed it too much. I was afraid that once I let the instinct out I wouldnt be able to recall it.

I thought back to all the Norse tales I'd read as a boy. When a rage came over a Norseman he would fight against whoever stood before him. Friend, foe, it didn't matter; there was no escape from the blind raging fury."

Now, I'm obviously no Vandenberg but in some sense his revelation applies to my life...all twenty-one years of it.

Ever since I was a kid, people knew I was going to be huge. It was inevitable. In fact, my mother even had to drastically change her parenting style (in a good way) because she knew I was going to be a beast and wouldn't put up with being screamed at. I laugh at it now, but she did have a point, and I think it made her the wonderful parent she is today.

Anyways, let me get back to my point. Those of you who know me intimately may know things about my father, as I have probably told you story after story about how awesome he was, and about how much of a positive impact he was on everyone who he came in contact with.

However, there was another side to him. He did have a terrible temper when provoked.

Obviously, there are issues there but I digress.

I can remember my Mother telling me about him getting pissed at some asshole on the road...and he followed them to their house and into their driveway. Obviously inspiring the fear of god into them, since my Dad was a beast...but is that necessary?

Another time, would be when him and my Mother were returning from some sports event, let's say...a Gopher hockey game. Some assholes were drunk as fuck and were driving too fast in the parking lot, my Dad saw that, realized he was going to get bumped, and put his car in neutral so when he was hit, it would absorb the blow and the car would take less damage.

My parents were eventually hit, and my Dad went off. Got out of the car and was probably going to kill these assholes, until my Mother pleaded with him to get back into the car.

Obviously a scary moment, but my Mom calmed him down and there wasn't much, if any, damage to the car so my Dad got back in and drove away.

Now, had my Mother not been there...would there have been body parts of these drunken people strewn about? (and deservedly I may add), maybe or maybe not. The world will never know.

Now, I do have a point with these stories. The point is my Mom saw his temper, realized that I was going to be even bigger than what he was, and saw that a combination of both of these elements wasn't a good mix.

So, since my father passed away when I was younger, I was somewhat made to be non-aggressive, and eventually turned out to be overly nice (which sometimes is a hindrance, but its also a gift).

Throughout my life I have thrown myself into sports and after reading the book Fever Pitch recently, I found out why, but that's another article for later this month.

In these sports I could never truly harness any aggression, I couldn't get "angry" (something I still have a problem with) and therefore my performance would suffer. I look at EVERY year I played football, up until sophomore year of high school, were I finally sensed I was making progress...but still this curse has followed me around to this day.

The unconscious thought of not wanting to hurt someone else has always held me back, and my anger has never been brought out in the open, but instead has been repressed for years, which isn't a good thing.

I have the last few years realized that I have all this baggage that is waiting to be unleashed, and once it is I will have conquered my biggest demon, or at least what I think is my biggest demon.

So what does this have to do with Vandenberg?

One of my biggest regrets, and something I have to personally work on is letting the fact I was raised to not be aggressive and angry go and instead focus on being able to harness the power I have.

Just as Vandenberg realized that, I too have to come to my own personal realization, and boxing for Indiana will in my mind finally help me beat what's been holding me back for years.