striped_eclair

What the fuck is wrong with me??? I'm talking to an ex I haven't spoken to in years (we broke up over a miscommunication and there's still a huge amount of sexual tension there) and I've been frustrated pretty much all day, so we're talking about sex. So I ask that inevitable question "what would happen if you were here?" and he says "to be honest, all my fantasies include my girlfriend". Fair enough, really, they've been together about 5yrs, but it just suddenly struck me what a decent guy he is (not that I didn't already know that) and how so alone i am. I'm not jealous of her, I wish them all the best in their future together, even if they have had a somewhat rocky past. He's happy, and I'm happy for him. Honestly. My problem, and what immediately sucked all my sexual drive away in a single moment, is my depression, my loneliness, that feeling of seeing girls i know in awesome relationships with amazing guys, or in the words of Alanis Morrissette "meeting the man of your dreams, then meeting his beautiful wife". Or they're on the other side of the world and find someone closer to home while saving up for the plane across the Pacific. There are very few decent guys in this city, and it seems that every single one I come across is already taken or, as in the case of another ex, a good friend and a great lay, but that's really all there is to our "relationship". And I know what you're thinking..."but she's bi, why doesn't she find a cute girl?" The answer is (to me) quite simple. I'm 27 and I'm very ready to settle down and start a family. OK, so obviously not the family bit just yet, but I'm an old-fashioned girl I guess. I want a husband to last for life, I want a family of my own, I want stability and a sense of belonging. And no offense girls, but I don't see that happening with a woman. I don't mean to say I'm giving up pussy altogether, just that I'm looking to settle down with a man.

Thank you for listening