streetmuse

I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach.... its not gonna be a good day... one of these days, I'm going to get a good, restful nights sleep... I hope.. I dont know how much longer I can go like this... I'm starting to get sick again, these weather changes are kicking my ass, too. It makes work hell, as well, because it affects the horses. We've had 3 get sick already this week, and we need to watch them like hawks. It causes them to colic, and if thats not detected early enough, can cause torsions or twists in their intestines, and they'll need major surgery, or could die... not good... talk about making Jessica stress out...

I got in a huge fight with my dad over thanksgiving stuff... My parents bicker over who's house my brother and I should go to... and want us to split the day..blahblahblah.. well... I'm sick of feeling like a 5 yr old in a custody battle.. I'm fuckin 23 years old... I dont feel like driving all over the south shore on thanksgiving.... I actually get a day off (not the whole thing, still gotta get up at 6 and feed the horses)... I want to relax, and enjoy the day... not deal with one parent thinking I love the other one more, because thats who I'm with... so I said fuck it... I'm not going to see either of you... which unfortunately means I'll be spending thanksgiving alone at home...... anyone wanna hang out? heh...

My heart hurts... I'm confused about so much...I'm not really sure where to go from here... as much as I try to trick myself into thinking Ive got it under control.

and so this whole entry isnt all blah and negative.. the positive things in the coming week would be lookin at some more apartments in Allston/Brighton on monday, with an awesome realtor.... and getting my seam line tattoos done on the friday after thanksgiving...which I'm very excited about...

I need to occupy my time.... so I'm not left to sit and dwell on things... I need to clear my head so I can sleep again...and lately.. when I do manage to fall asleep... I have terrible nightmares... like the kind that you cant wake yourself up from, and when you finally do, your heart is racing... its terrible.... anyone got any good drugs? or a good shrink that'll hook me up? heh.... actually.. I dont wanna go that route... I hated the last time I went to a psychiatrist and she put me on drugs... I dont like how they make me feel.... wow.. this is kind of a long, boring entry... surprised you made it this far, without getting bored, and clickin on the SG dujour to look at some titties... I guess I should go... I'm late for work... again... if anyone in the area wants to hang out... let me know.... my lifes lacking in the "hanging out with cool people" department...
I'm late for work... I better get my ass in gear....