Hello, friends and strange wanderers through SGLand!
Because there's a lot on my brain I'm going to say some things now. I don't know if anyone reads these anyway, so I anticipate no serious harm to myself, and if it IS dangerous, well, I'll just have to live with that.
First off, I've taken to going to the gym. I joined less than three weeks ago, but I can already feel and see some improvement. As to why, I'll be direct: I'm sick of being fat. I'm sick of that factoring into the esteem people hold me in or the judgments they make. Further, my parents hobble around like invalids, even though they're only in their sixties. My grandmother, who's within weeks of 100, looked healthier at ninety than her daughter does at 65. I don't want to get to be that age, if I do, and be that infirm. So my dedication is pretty strong. There's been no period where I've gone less than five times in seven days, and most times it would be six.
My routine isn't that hard, I'm starting out from being a very overweight person. But yesterday I went from twenty minutes of cardio after each set to twenty-five. the weights are steadily increasing and in some cases so are the sets. I just want to look better and feel better. And while my profile pic is bullshit, and is the worst picture ever taken of a human being, I wouldn't settle for crap like that if I felt that great about how I did look. I want to feel better.
Another reason I'm doing this is I want to be more confident. I feel like my lack of confidence pollutes everything else I do. Women react badly to me even though I really don't think I come across badly. I even have a little bit of charm. When I say they react badly to me, it's more a case of things going smoothly until walls come up. Part of that, I'd imagine, is the looks in and of themselves. But the second factor is that when I make simple social requests, I am so lacking in confidence that I say something more nervous or goofy or awkward than I otherwise would. This lack of anything to do also makes me look like more of a pariah so when I try to change that the cycle continues. I'm hoping a trimmer, more smiling version of myself might make people less hesitant to socialize.
Tangentially but not totally related is the fact that I haven't had sex in over a year. I'm SO fucking frustrated. A big problem here is that when I've been lucky with women it hasn't really taken much effort. I know how much that sounds like bullshit after the last two paragraphs, but understand: I do have charm, and wit. If women go for that, they aren't going to hide it, and I've had some success with such women. But I've never really had to look for them, and so I'm in a holding pattern... and it's problematic, because I REALLY want to fuck. The drought has me depressed, man. And the dangling conversations that I have on facebook or text never culminate in anything, because I don't know if they can or not... because for a woman to convince me she's interested, she pretty much has to just jump me.
Anyway, strides in a positive direction. Comment if you want, that way I at least know you're out there. LOL
Because there's a lot on my brain I'm going to say some things now. I don't know if anyone reads these anyway, so I anticipate no serious harm to myself, and if it IS dangerous, well, I'll just have to live with that.
First off, I've taken to going to the gym. I joined less than three weeks ago, but I can already feel and see some improvement. As to why, I'll be direct: I'm sick of being fat. I'm sick of that factoring into the esteem people hold me in or the judgments they make. Further, my parents hobble around like invalids, even though they're only in their sixties. My grandmother, who's within weeks of 100, looked healthier at ninety than her daughter does at 65. I don't want to get to be that age, if I do, and be that infirm. So my dedication is pretty strong. There's been no period where I've gone less than five times in seven days, and most times it would be six.
My routine isn't that hard, I'm starting out from being a very overweight person. But yesterday I went from twenty minutes of cardio after each set to twenty-five. the weights are steadily increasing and in some cases so are the sets. I just want to look better and feel better. And while my profile pic is bullshit, and is the worst picture ever taken of a human being, I wouldn't settle for crap like that if I felt that great about how I did look. I want to feel better.
Another reason I'm doing this is I want to be more confident. I feel like my lack of confidence pollutes everything else I do. Women react badly to me even though I really don't think I come across badly. I even have a little bit of charm. When I say they react badly to me, it's more a case of things going smoothly until walls come up. Part of that, I'd imagine, is the looks in and of themselves. But the second factor is that when I make simple social requests, I am so lacking in confidence that I say something more nervous or goofy or awkward than I otherwise would. This lack of anything to do also makes me look like more of a pariah so when I try to change that the cycle continues. I'm hoping a trimmer, more smiling version of myself might make people less hesitant to socialize.
Tangentially but not totally related is the fact that I haven't had sex in over a year. I'm SO fucking frustrated. A big problem here is that when I've been lucky with women it hasn't really taken much effort. I know how much that sounds like bullshit after the last two paragraphs, but understand: I do have charm, and wit. If women go for that, they aren't going to hide it, and I've had some success with such women. But I've never really had to look for them, and so I'm in a holding pattern... and it's problematic, because I REALLY want to fuck. The drought has me depressed, man. And the dangling conversations that I have on facebook or text never culminate in anything, because I don't know if they can or not... because for a woman to convince me she's interested, she pretty much has to just jump me.
Anyway, strides in a positive direction. Comment if you want, that way I at least know you're out there. LOL
dearambellina:
Those are all legitimate reasons to get healthy. I feel the same in regards to my parents. Good luck to you!
strangef8:
Thank you!