So. In April of 20...13 I think....I was working in one of the busier kitchens in Vancouver as a prep and line cook. I was being trained to be the PM supervisor. It had taken me a year a move up and gain respect in a workplace that is mostly male dominated. I had to be able to lift the equivalent of them, and work as hard as everybody else. It was a very physical job, and obviously not good for someone who is delicate like I am.
So, I fell. I was working the fry station and we ran out of halibut, so I was going to the back to get some more. Someone hadn't cleaned up their mess, and on the way back to my station I slipped on a puddle of water (No wet floor sign was up). Thus began a ridiculous battle between doctors, Workers Compensation Board (Worksafe BC), and my employers. I dislocated my left shoulder, fucked up my elbow, and tore the connective tissue that holds your ulnar bone to your wrist bones. Ulnar radial subluxation/dislocation.
On August 12th I got surgery on my elbow to repair the damage. An 8 inch incision, 15 staples, and multiple hospital visits later (An allergic reaction to bandage adhesive, as well as a severe reaction to the pain medication) I was on the road to recovery.
I did Physio for months. It did very little. I have hypertrophic scarring, and damage and/or impingement of my median and ulnar nerve. As you can imagine, this means I can't feel very much at all in a very good portion of my left hand and forearm.
The best way I can describe my left arm is- You know that feeling
your get in your body right before you throw up? You go a little numb, start shaking, and generally feel "sick"...Weak. That's what my left arm feels like all the time. It's hard to do very much of anything with it for very long before I can no longer lift without it shaking, and if I over exhaust myself I often end up getting physically ill.
So I haven't been back to the kitchen. I've been working on myself, my art, my garters, and general "Stormy Ent"/"Stormy Enterprise" stuff. Unfortunately, because I haven't returned to the kitchen, WCB is riding my ass.
So they put me in a pain management program for 6 weeks so that they can force me back to work in the kitchen, or, if directed by my "team", find me other suitable employment. Unfortunately, they still haven't dealt with my shoulder or wrist injuries, so it's a little more complicated than a "normal" case- add that to the fact that I have EDS, and it makes it a very ridiculous and complicated situation. That's been happening for almost a year now.
So that brings us to now. Today marks the day of my first week in the program.
Basically it's a structured program for people with chronic pain left over from injuries (it also works for something like EDS, obvs). There's education (stress management, anatomy, communication workshops,
etc.), exercise tailored to your needs, relaxation training, stuff like that.
It hasn't been an easy week. It hasn't been an easy year. I've had more pain and more breakdowns this week than ever before... But I'm learning my limits, learning how to pace myself, and learning that I can ask for help without feeling guilty or like I'm a burden.
So I've been asking for help with everything. The don't only treat my injury, but also my instability due to EDS. They've been helping me figure out which joints I need to brace, how I need to activate my muscles, and how to prepare for strength training. They're giving me hope that if I work hard, focus, pace myself, and ask for help, I can do so much more than any other doctor has given me hope for.
It's been a really fucking hard week. But I can do this.
In other news, I'm getting this tattooed in three fucking days
An original drawing that I did. It's going on my chest. I can't even believe it! It means so much to me.
Also, "Asrai" shot by @darryldarko goes into MR in a week and a bit! YAAAAY!!
I hope you're all having a wonderful week <3 Much love. xoxoxoxo
