Some of you may remember back in February me talking about how my marriage was failing and I was consider stepping out so to speak.
Well after talking to a lot of people and getting a lot of opinions, I decided not to do it after all, at least not to do it behind her back. Instead I told her how was feeling and that I wanted to see people outside of our marriage. As I sure you can guess the initial reaction was less than favorable. So I let it go and we only briefly discussed a couple times after that, mostly talking about how it would work.
Fast forward to this past Monday and out of the blue, she says she has been thinking about it and realized she was not being fair to me since I was so unhappy with the things the way they are now. She said that our marriage problems were damaging our friendship and maybe it was time to let go of those to keep our friendship.
So we spent the the next three days negotiating our understanding. It was a pretty intense three days to say the least. So Thursday night we signed a Memo of Understanding agreeing to everything we had negotiated. In the end we are both free to see other people, but the rest of the marriage stays intact.
Now that I have told you the story, I will tell you what I am feeling about it all. I got what I wanted but I am pretty sure the price was the end of our marriage once the kids are off to college. Which is fine in one sense, I want her to find someone who could do what I could not, which is accept her even with all her flaws and make her happy. When we got together and even when we got married a few years later, I had self esteem issues and I needed what she gave me. And then I decided to get healthy and I worked very hard at it. She pretty much stayed where she was at before. Suddenly, the things I could tolerate because I was not healthy either became things I could not stand anymore. And that it was not fair to either of us to continue to both be miserable and hopefully both of us will find someone to make us happier. The only sad thing is that I think we both know that by signing that piece of paper, we were basically signing our divorce decree a little early.
She actually said most of that paragraph but it nicely summed up how I was feeling as well.
So I want thank all my friends for their support in the past and hopefully I have your support as move forward into a new phase of my life. I love you all and thank you for putting up with me.
Well after talking to a lot of people and getting a lot of opinions, I decided not to do it after all, at least not to do it behind her back. Instead I told her how was feeling and that I wanted to see people outside of our marriage. As I sure you can guess the initial reaction was less than favorable. So I let it go and we only briefly discussed a couple times after that, mostly talking about how it would work.
Fast forward to this past Monday and out of the blue, she says she has been thinking about it and realized she was not being fair to me since I was so unhappy with the things the way they are now. She said that our marriage problems were damaging our friendship and maybe it was time to let go of those to keep our friendship.
So we spent the the next three days negotiating our understanding. It was a pretty intense three days to say the least. So Thursday night we signed a Memo of Understanding agreeing to everything we had negotiated. In the end we are both free to see other people, but the rest of the marriage stays intact.
Now that I have told you the story, I will tell you what I am feeling about it all. I got what I wanted but I am pretty sure the price was the end of our marriage once the kids are off to college. Which is fine in one sense, I want her to find someone who could do what I could not, which is accept her even with all her flaws and make her happy. When we got together and even when we got married a few years later, I had self esteem issues and I needed what she gave me. And then I decided to get healthy and I worked very hard at it. She pretty much stayed where she was at before. Suddenly, the things I could tolerate because I was not healthy either became things I could not stand anymore. And that it was not fair to either of us to continue to both be miserable and hopefully both of us will find someone to make us happier. The only sad thing is that I think we both know that by signing that piece of paper, we were basically signing our divorce decree a little early.
She actually said most of that paragraph but it nicely summed up how I was feeling as well.
So I want thank all my friends for their support in the past and hopefully I have your support as move forward into a new phase of my life. I love you all and thank you for putting up with me.
melaniek:
*hugs* i know its a tough time, but happiness is something you need in your life. <3
mizoo:
Good luck. My parents did essentially the same thing only they didn't stick to it, as they were supposed to wait until both kids were out of the house...I hope it works for you, I think it's the most respectable way to go about it.