stinkerbell

I think I am becoming domestic. Please understand I dont think this is a bad thing. It is just a strange take on my life. When I first met my husband TARGES I thought cooking was Hamburger Helper or fast food. Until I met my husband I usually just didnt care of how my house looked and never made a bed. Now ever morning for the most part my bed is made and late last night I was cleaning my house. Even when I know there is nobody coming over.

I find that I like to do ironing and really like to Iron. Though I hate matching socks, I would not mind being a stay at home wife and we could do it but I dont want to worry about money that is what we would be doing if I didnt work. Plus, I need to have people around me.

I started writing a letter to Butterfly. I wanted her to know everything about me to see if she would love me warts and all. The thing is this letter has taken a life of its own. I have written pages of my life and there are times that I have cried. I mean literally just laying across my bed and sob. This has been a healing process for me. I have learned more about myself when I am trying to teach her about me.

I have learned that I am stupid when it comes to people. I guess, that is something I really need to work on. When people love me, I dont understand why? I mean a way I guess I feel like I am not worthy of people loving me. When someone loves me, they have a challenge a head of them. I have a tendency to try to fuck things up. However, I go to people who treat me like shit. I am breaking that trend. I am starting with Butterfly. She is the only one since Targes who have really stood by me even after I threw the walls up. No, way does that mean others have not tried. But since being burned pretty bad by a trusted friend over the last year, though our friendship ended almost a year ago, I have a lot of trust issues. I trust her. I cant help it. She is an angel.

Sometimes, I think there should be a support group for the people, and believe me there are a lot of people who have been burned by this woman. She will love you and you will be the best thing since frosting, as long as you are letting her be in control or you are supporting her. Emotionally, financially, and if and only if you turn a blind eye and never ask questions, you would be a part of her life. She LIES about health conditions, for example she has had cancer three times in the two years that I have known her only to have a miracle recovery. I have lost a friend to cancer, and I have a friend who is battling it right now. She sickens me that she does that. She claims people spread rumors about her yet she starts rumors about people. I know she is the one who told lies about me at work. In short she is pathetic and I am glad she is out of my life. In the year since we stop being friends, I have let people I wrote off because of her back in my life. I wish that I could talk to each one that I hurt because of the lies that she told me how sorry I am to push them away. I know she reads this. So if you are this is the only time I have talked about you because you are pathetic.

But enough on that, the new me, the one who will let people in my life, I am opening up to Butterfly, who has patiently stood by me. Who has given me space and never question why the wall went up. Pubically, I am telling you. I got scared. Plain and simple. You are such an angel and I got scared. That is why the wall went up. It was nothing you did. You did everything right.

As for Dale and Brenda, wow, they turned out to be bad news. A bit of stalker type. I look at them as a major fuck up because I was scacred. Things feel good so now it is time for me to mess things up.

Dale also well, besides being a selfish person, open some wounds. He is a predator and that bothers me. He tried to manipulate me. Tried to turn me against my life, saying he was the only one who understood me. He loved me. He did not even know my middle name. Hide the bunny.

Wow, I refuse to end this long post on a sad note so I would like to give a recommendations for all of you. Greg the Bunny!!

I am off to finish my laundry and get dinner ready.

Much love to all

Buffy Sunshine in MN

By the way, echoing what Kriss said. If you voted for the ass president please know that I would find it hard to be your friend. We have no freedom when the shrub is in the white house.