stinkerbell

Ok... we are going on a week with no fucking caffine and I am ready to kill someone just a smell of their coffee. However, I have to do what the doctor said to hold off having the operation for a while or until we get medical insurance.

I have gone 24 hours with no pain meds. My depression was high this morning. I feel like I am a prisoner in my own house. I am afraid of having a full blown attack somewhere. Plus my energy level has been shit as of late.

But with all this time off, I have got to see who my true friends... you know who you are and you know that is why I love you more than words.

I have cried a lot. I wish I could just have my dad here to hug me and help me through this fear that is taking over me.

I dont talk about when I am sick or scared because I feel people think I am feeling sorry for myself. The last thing I want is pitty.

To anyone who has heard I am "faking this" I have the doctors reports for you to see. I heard that at work. I know who said this and to that person well they can fuck off. Dont need that petty shit.

I am hoping to be back to my cheery Buff self sometime soon. Thank you all for being there.

Love
B