so i've spent my entire life listening to the sadest music i could find. i'm basically a moody, emotional, and pissy guy. but, for the last few years i've had an incredibly amazing girlfriend who i have been completely in love with and lived basically a happy life. still, i listen to bright eyes, cursive, low, and the red house painters like it's religion. sadness makes me happy. my own band is slow and miserable...my lyrics are doomed. i turn any minor flaw in my life or relationship into a major drama so that i can write a song and somehow feel better about it. i talked to tim from cursive one day about his ex-girlfriend and he said "yeah, i guess she's real happy now but i'm fucking miserable" and he is...it wasn't just songs to make himself feel better. he really was dying and i sort of admired that. i've felt that in the past but not for soooo long.
ok...my point...i'm alone now. i don't know if she's "really happy" or not but she seems ok...and i really am "fucking miserable' now, especially in the morning when i have to wake up alone. but now my songs sound real...they make me cry and more are flowing out everyday. i would give anything to have my happy life back but in some ways i guess she's turned me into what i guess i always wanted to be...a miserable songwriting wreck...a drunk...an open wound. should i kill her or thank her??
ok...my point...i'm alone now. i don't know if she's "really happy" or not but she seems ok...and i really am "fucking miserable' now, especially in the morning when i have to wake up alone. but now my songs sound real...they make me cry and more are flowing out everyday. i would give anything to have my happy life back but in some ways i guess she's turned me into what i guess i always wanted to be...a miserable songwriting wreck...a drunk...an open wound. should i kill her or thank her??
I constantly live my life trying to find perfection/some eutopia world, but you never really get there...it's not possible...there is never any fully secure perfect moment and because of that we have to vent out that frustation, that energy, that imperfectness, into the world, channel into something bigger then ourselves...music is the greatest example of this...music can help you explode....
look at the things you loved about her, the things that made you happy, secure...and see that these are qualities that you have yourself...you can be your own self generator with the right mirror...
but still it's going to take time. YOU ARE REGENERATING. and BECOMING STRONGER.
and you know Scott from Prefuse?
fucking A man. his shit is the best stuff I've heard in a LONG time. give him the heads up about a similar video artist who goes by J.Lowe in Portland, Oregon. maybe I can even send you a reel to hand off.
when I get done booking you to open for Radiohead I want to make a Prefuse 73 video.