Here's another funny for you all.....
SAD NEWS
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of
celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including
Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty...
Read More
SAD NEWS
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of
celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including
Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
The Priest and The Hairdryer
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
Priest
beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's
birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm
afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you...
Read More
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
Priest
beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's
birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm
afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
ginary:
thanks for your sweet writings!! 
nikonphoto80:
that was cute. 
Rules of Drunk Dialing (and texting!!!) (A new submission from my friend Killian)
LOOK AT THE BOTTOM FOR THE UPDATES IN RED!!!
1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false
advertisement.
2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't
remember it, it didn't happen.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family...
Read More
LOOK AT THE BOTTOM FOR THE UPDATES IN RED!!!
1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false
advertisement.
2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't
remember it, it didn't happen.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family...
Read More
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
metta:
hahaa I thought this would be perfect to post in your Blog as well as my own.. This is an Excerpt from The Idiots Girls' Action Adventure Club by Laurie Notaro
an excerpt from a short essay entitled The Useless Black Bra and the Stinkin'-Drunk Twelve Step Program
The Stinkin'-Drunk Twelve Step Program
Step 1 : The Call of The Drink
It beckons you, you simply answers it. Its sounds like a good idea, it feels right, but you decide you will not go too far.
Step 2: Economics
If funds are low, and you don't have an entire paycheck to blow, you must decide whether to do the Poor Man's Drunk (I.E, drinking on a completly empty stomach) or if there is some possiblitity that you can con others into providing for you.
Step 3: The Suitable Drinking Partner
Finding the approroate person may sometimes prove a little difficult, but a sensible chioce has no substitute. You must be careful not to choose a beginner, because you will inevitably end up taking care of them and wiping up body fluids, but you also must not be careful not to choose someone who will be functioning well enough when you pass out to stick hot dogs down your pants or cement your eyes shut with toothpaste.
Step 4: The Click of the Ice, the Crack of the Tab
The first sip that holds beautiful promises, the intial lick of the lips that christens the inebriation that lies patiently ahead. The drinker begins to feel at ease, shredding the sober skin in thicker flakes after each and every drink. ( The next eight steps can follow in rapid succession or may occur simultaneously)
Step 5: Sad Reminiscing
" I don't care if I saw him naked on the couch with that girl who works at Dairy Queen, I know he really loved me. Why did he leave me? Why? Can anyone tell me why?" The most worthless step of the entire twelve. It usually concerns realationships and can lead to Potentially hazardous DWI- Dialing While Intoxicated-which entails calling everyone you ever dated, since you are convinced that it is a completely excellent idea.
Step Six: Wanting to Get Naked and Asking Strangers to Do the Same
Usually done after the DWI has already taken place, and the drinker has been rejected again.
Step 7: Math
You start figuring out how many hours it will be until you will have to be fully functioning again. " I can sleep fifteen more minutes if i skip a shower." " I'll wear what I am wearing now and won't have to waste time looking for something clean."
Step 8: " It's Ten 'Till One" Inventory
A quick assesment that no matter how much liqour you have, it will not be enough and you must get more, and NOW, because it is the most important mission you will ever embark on in your life.
Step 9 : Let's Get a Snack Too.
A journey to a drive-thru, because you are much too drunk to sit in a restaurant, though you are ok to drive. Purchase twenty dollars worth of fast-food that will most likely reappear in an altogether different form before sunrise. You will eat things at this point that you would not normally feed your dog, like convience store franks or three-for-a-dollar tacos.
Step 10: I Love Being Me
You are witty. You begin to feel beautiful, sexy and thin. You really want to be naked now, and just about everybody is looking good. You will not think twice about sticking your tongue down a strangers' throat in a room full of a hundred people. You may also feel the need to tell assorted people that you love them, and this is a good indication that you should probably go home.
Step 11: Invisibility
You believe that you are invisible and you can do things that will bear no witness, like peeing in a bush or puking on the sidewalk. It is at this point that you will not remember the last thing you said or that you decided that the street looks like a very good place to sit down.
Step 12 :The Complete Loop
You lose the ability to communicate, with the exception of nodding your head. Also evaporated is the decision-making process, all of your oney, the use of your limbs, and, quite thankfully, your conciousness.
Idiot Girls Action Adventure Club is copyrighted By Laurie Notaro 2002
Published By Random House INC...
*****Just convering my ass******** I love her books so much I just dont want to be sued.. LOL
an excerpt from a short essay entitled The Useless Black Bra and the Stinkin'-Drunk Twelve Step Program
The Stinkin'-Drunk Twelve Step Program
Step 1 : The Call of The Drink
It beckons you, you simply answers it. Its sounds like a good idea, it feels right, but you decide you will not go too far.
Step 2: Economics
If funds are low, and you don't have an entire paycheck to blow, you must decide whether to do the Poor Man's Drunk (I.E, drinking on a completly empty stomach) or if there is some possiblitity that you can con others into providing for you.
Step 3: The Suitable Drinking Partner
Finding the approroate person may sometimes prove a little difficult, but a sensible chioce has no substitute. You must be careful not to choose a beginner, because you will inevitably end up taking care of them and wiping up body fluids, but you also must not be careful not to choose someone who will be functioning well enough when you pass out to stick hot dogs down your pants or cement your eyes shut with toothpaste.
Step 4: The Click of the Ice, the Crack of the Tab
The first sip that holds beautiful promises, the intial lick of the lips that christens the inebriation that lies patiently ahead. The drinker begins to feel at ease, shredding the sober skin in thicker flakes after each and every drink. ( The next eight steps can follow in rapid succession or may occur simultaneously)
Step 5: Sad Reminiscing
" I don't care if I saw him naked on the couch with that girl who works at Dairy Queen, I know he really loved me. Why did he leave me? Why? Can anyone tell me why?" The most worthless step of the entire twelve. It usually concerns realationships and can lead to Potentially hazardous DWI- Dialing While Intoxicated-which entails calling everyone you ever dated, since you are convinced that it is a completely excellent idea.
Step Six: Wanting to Get Naked and Asking Strangers to Do the Same
Usually done after the DWI has already taken place, and the drinker has been rejected again.
Step 7: Math
You start figuring out how many hours it will be until you will have to be fully functioning again. " I can sleep fifteen more minutes if i skip a shower." " I'll wear what I am wearing now and won't have to waste time looking for something clean."
Step 8: " It's Ten 'Till One" Inventory
A quick assesment that no matter how much liqour you have, it will not be enough and you must get more, and NOW, because it is the most important mission you will ever embark on in your life.
Step 9 : Let's Get a Snack Too.
A journey to a drive-thru, because you are much too drunk to sit in a restaurant, though you are ok to drive. Purchase twenty dollars worth of fast-food that will most likely reappear in an altogether different form before sunrise. You will eat things at this point that you would not normally feed your dog, like convience store franks or three-for-a-dollar tacos.
Step 10: I Love Being Me
You are witty. You begin to feel beautiful, sexy and thin. You really want to be naked now, and just about everybody is looking good. You will not think twice about sticking your tongue down a strangers' throat in a room full of a hundred people. You may also feel the need to tell assorted people that you love them, and this is a good indication that you should probably go home.
Step 11: Invisibility
You believe that you are invisible and you can do things that will bear no witness, like peeing in a bush or puking on the sidewalk. It is at this point that you will not remember the last thing you said or that you decided that the street looks like a very good place to sit down.
Step 12 :The Complete Loop
You lose the ability to communicate, with the exception of nodding your head. Also evaporated is the decision-making process, all of your oney, the use of your limbs, and, quite thankfully, your conciousness.
Idiot Girls Action Adventure Club is copyrighted By Laurie Notaro 2002
Published By Random House INC...
*****Just convering my ass******** I love her books so much I just dont want to be sued.. LOL
kattrinak:
I DON'T CARE, THE MAN IS STILL SMOKIN' HOT, AND I'D RISK BURNING IN HELL FOR 15 MINUTES!!
PURINA DOG CHOW DIET!!!!!
I have a Mutt mix dog & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,...
Read More
I have a Mutt mix dog & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,...
Read More
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
labelleariel:
Well I am glad that you got things straightened out with your photographer. I know I'm not the only one dying to see some SterlingRose boobies! hehehe. We're all rootin for you to go pink! 
lobster_mobster:
Dude, that's one of the best anecdotes EVAR.
And I want to meet Killian... *drool*
And I want to meet Killian... *drool*
INNER PEACE!!!!!! For all you nutjobs out there who can't finish anything here's some miracle help!! Happy Holidays
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use a little more calmness in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner
peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "the...
Read More
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use a little more calmness in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner
peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "the...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
diaboliquedoll:
Hmmm... I have a bottle of tequila and some sugar cookies that I have yet to finish off. Ahhh the yummy road to inner peace
ginary:
ha I posted this on myspace before too funny!
Old Cherokee Wisdom.....something from one of my soulmates
TWO WOLVES:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy,sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It...
Read More
TWO WOLVES:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy,sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
cassy:
i hope you're having a great holiday SR you kick ass.
you kick ass.
kattrinak:
whooo..needed to hear that. thanks Darlin'..xoxo
Back from the first practice!!! Man its gonna take a lot of work for me to get up to their speed but these ladies ROCK and they will be with me all the way! Its very much a sisterhood like SG so it feels like home already. GB you are awesome!!! When I am up to speed I will send a pic just for you...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
takesatraintocry:
Thanks for your response! My migraines have gone through cycles through the years, which I hear is fairly normal, but even at my worst points I wasn't getting 6-8/month... I feel your pain! That's horrible. I've got to go see my specialist soon, and when I do I'll ask about the topomax. The carbonation issue is sad for me though, as it sounds like I'll have to say goodbye to beer. (Though that might be the best thing for me.)
silencia:
I would love to be going to Washington, but now if I go, it would have to be just for myself. Hot tattoo guy ended up being kind of a jerk to one of my best friends, and he still hasn't brought himself to call me ::shakes fist in air:: I swear, at the rate that guys continue to disappoint me, I might as well start to look into a good nunery to check myself in to 
You guys are allllll SO amazingly awesome! Thanks for all the wonderful, sweet, lovely, fantastic comments! It just makes getting on the team all that much more fun having you guys along with me for this crazy ride! Check out my Roller Derby file in Pics and you can see my very first set of Bruises!!! LOL. I am sure that collection of pics will...
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phoenixgirl:
just make sure that you are the one beating the crap out of the other chicks!!!
gayballs:
you're fucking awesome and crazy in all the best ways ever
I MADE THE TEAM!!!!! WOOOO HOOOOO. I am a Dockyard Derby Dame!!!!! Now I start my 90 day probationary period and start collecting bruises. They have two ladies on the team who decided to mentor me personally to get me really rockin' hard!!!! One of them is the founder of the "sub team" I really wanted to get on, the Trampires!!! I AM SO PSYCHED....
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
avidity:
OMG congrats darlin!!! that is awesome!!!!!!!!!!
gayballs:
You're a tough, awesome, hot bitch. THIS CALLS FOR A SET
Roller Derby Tryouts were a BLAST!!! I wasn't the fastest out there by any means. But I had a whole lot of fun and did really well at the difficult stuff like falls and rolls and drill type stuff. There were a lot of really good skaters out there, so we'll see how it goes. It was more about determination and trainablility than skill and...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
pollythundercat:
Oh Oh!!! FIngers crossed suggah!!!!
I'm glad u had a blast!
xoxoxox
I'm glad u had a blast!
xoxoxox
gayballs:
get back up there. i hope you kick some bitch ass
Wanted to just pop in to say HEY and hope you are doing well.Thanks for listening to me and your advice.
Mucho kisses...also check out my new practice shoot called "Flashback" in my profile....it is a practice shoot for my SG one that won't be too too long now! I am moving in 4 days...will be arriving at my new home in a week and will be contacting the SG photog that is interested in me when I get there!
Hope all is well....and hope to hear from you!
Ceridwen