stella_marie

i was looking through some old emails i wrote and came across this one:

so, ok, im angry. but keeping in line with masochism, im angry at myself. im angry for letting my guard down. im angry for liking you. im angry for thinking you liked me. but mostly, im angry for even caring. maybe im angry for falling for these stupid games. or im just angry cause i was foolish enough to miss you. maybe im just tired of thinking i have something that i dont. or wanting something im never gonna have. maybe im tired of being alone. im tired of waiting and im tired of making the first move. or im frustrated. im frustrated at wanting something to work that isnt working. im sick of being kept in the dark. i am open about everything in my life, especially who i am. im sick of getting blindsided. im tired of being the one who is constantly out on the limb. mostly, im just tired of watching garden state alone.


there were about 30 emails i wrote this guy. i read most of them. the sad part is, i still cant remember who the fuck he is.