"Three weeks and I hadnt slept. Three weeks without sleep, and everything becomes an out-of-body experience. My dr said 'Insomnia is just the symptom of something larger. find out whats actually wrong. Listen to your body'.
I just wanted to sleep. I wanted little blue amytal sodium capsules, 200mg sized. i wanted red-and-blue tuinal bullet capsules, lipstick-red seconals.
This is how it is with insomnia. Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. The insomnia distance of everything, you cant touch anything and nothing can touch you"
what they forgot to mention:
Its the longest day of my fucking life. I watch the sun rise, then fall. Its when it rises again, the pain starts to wear on me. The black circles around my eyes starts to loosen my skin. in the mirror i see a stranger. my voice plays through the television. My aching muscles soon begin to spasm. my spine is curved from sitting hunched over. My hands tremble so they try to hold each other still. My jaw is permanently locked. My teeth take turns between grinding and chattering. I would give anything so my teeth wouldnt touch one another. two packs of cigarettes. my throat is sore from the smoke and my heart is racing from the nicotine. it hurts to breathe. ive lost track of meal times so i just dont eat at all. eventually, my body tingles. my hands lose feeling around the same time my feet do. all this spare time, i think of all the things i could do. but im too tired to move, too tired to think and definately too fucking tired to sleep. how can i be too tired to sleep? after more than 30 hours, i feel like ive never slept before and cant imagine ever needing to sleep again. the sun is so bright i squint my eyes. they are dryer than my mouth, but not by much. the taste of stale nicotine never leaves my mouth no matter how many times i brush. i can feel the sweat coating my skin. the smell of the salt under my nails from scratching. rocking replaces sitting still. i havent yawned once. its been so long i forgot how it feels to be stuck in this place between consciousness and lucidity, but im truly not either. for four months now, i havent been able to keep my eyes open. i would give anything now to be able to close them. but instead, ill try to fall with the sun.
I just wanted to sleep. I wanted little blue amytal sodium capsules, 200mg sized. i wanted red-and-blue tuinal bullet capsules, lipstick-red seconals.
This is how it is with insomnia. Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. The insomnia distance of everything, you cant touch anything and nothing can touch you"
what they forgot to mention:
Its the longest day of my fucking life. I watch the sun rise, then fall. Its when it rises again, the pain starts to wear on me. The black circles around my eyes starts to loosen my skin. in the mirror i see a stranger. my voice plays through the television. My aching muscles soon begin to spasm. my spine is curved from sitting hunched over. My hands tremble so they try to hold each other still. My jaw is permanently locked. My teeth take turns between grinding and chattering. I would give anything so my teeth wouldnt touch one another. two packs of cigarettes. my throat is sore from the smoke and my heart is racing from the nicotine. it hurts to breathe. ive lost track of meal times so i just dont eat at all. eventually, my body tingles. my hands lose feeling around the same time my feet do. all this spare time, i think of all the things i could do. but im too tired to move, too tired to think and definately too fucking tired to sleep. how can i be too tired to sleep? after more than 30 hours, i feel like ive never slept before and cant imagine ever needing to sleep again. the sun is so bright i squint my eyes. they are dryer than my mouth, but not by much. the taste of stale nicotine never leaves my mouth no matter how many times i brush. i can feel the sweat coating my skin. the smell of the salt under my nails from scratching. rocking replaces sitting still. i havent yawned once. its been so long i forgot how it feels to be stuck in this place between consciousness and lucidity, but im truly not either. for four months now, i havent been able to keep my eyes open. i would give anything now to be able to close them. but instead, ill try to fall with the sun.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
edaniel:
i'm using amsterdam as a base, doing lots of day trips out from here. three cities yesterday, three cities today. and the animals were inbetween, seen out the train window. except for the rooster.
the_reverend:
When you do get there - sweet dreams, baby.