lets play the blame game here.
contestant #1 - socitey. the definition of the word model - an example for imitation or emulation.
is this what the average woman looks like? not even close. but thats the definition of a model and thats who we chose to set as the standard. they are everywhere - magazines, billboards, busses - you cant walk around this city without being reminded what you "should" look like.
contestant #2 - my family. my dad and my brother have this great game they play when we are out to eat. they like to point out the largest woman in the place. being fat in my immediate family is NOT allowed. my father got on my mothers case every since she had me when she actually WASNT fat and has mentally abused her ever since. whats worse, mental or physical abuse? all i know is next week my mother is going under a knife to have her stomach removed cause she can't take it anymore. i know shes only all over me cause she doesnt want me to go through what she did, but im tired of hearing it. just once i want to see her and not have her tell me how much weight ive put on since the last time i saw her.
but the winner is - me. nobody beats myself up as much as i do. but in all fairness, nobody has to live my life. i have lost complete control of everything. i have a job that kills me everyday. the thought of going tomorrow alone puts a knot in my throat. im wokring on it, but its not fully in my control. times like this, i think of my ex and cry. he was the only guy i ever truly loved - the one i planned on growing old with and having kids and grandchildren with - and im so scared its not going to happen again. im putting myself out there, but again, its not fully in my control. i cant look in a mirror anymore without wanting to break it. i physically sicken myself. ive been going to the gym but not enough. ive been eating shit all the time cause i have no self control. i cant even look at myself naked in the mirror anymore without crying. but this is something i CAN take total control over. so this is it - no more talking about doing it soon. it starts now. ive got twenty pounds to lose. in the end, will i be happy? there is no guarantee. but at least ill look damn good.
contestant #1 - socitey. the definition of the word model - an example for imitation or emulation.
is this what the average woman looks like? not even close. but thats the definition of a model and thats who we chose to set as the standard. they are everywhere - magazines, billboards, busses - you cant walk around this city without being reminded what you "should" look like.
contestant #2 - my family. my dad and my brother have this great game they play when we are out to eat. they like to point out the largest woman in the place. being fat in my immediate family is NOT allowed. my father got on my mothers case every since she had me when she actually WASNT fat and has mentally abused her ever since. whats worse, mental or physical abuse? all i know is next week my mother is going under a knife to have her stomach removed cause she can't take it anymore. i know shes only all over me cause she doesnt want me to go through what she did, but im tired of hearing it. just once i want to see her and not have her tell me how much weight ive put on since the last time i saw her.
but the winner is - me. nobody beats myself up as much as i do. but in all fairness, nobody has to live my life. i have lost complete control of everything. i have a job that kills me everyday. the thought of going tomorrow alone puts a knot in my throat. im wokring on it, but its not fully in my control. times like this, i think of my ex and cry. he was the only guy i ever truly loved - the one i planned on growing old with and having kids and grandchildren with - and im so scared its not going to happen again. im putting myself out there, but again, its not fully in my control. i cant look in a mirror anymore without wanting to break it. i physically sicken myself. ive been going to the gym but not enough. ive been eating shit all the time cause i have no self control. i cant even look at myself naked in the mirror anymore without crying. but this is something i CAN take total control over. so this is it - no more talking about doing it soon. it starts now. ive got twenty pounds to lose. in the end, will i be happy? there is no guarantee. but at least ill look damn good.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
hehehe i'll google it! and if i find a place called the giraffe we are so eating there!
and yes, you can email me if you wish, or text me. get some sleep, i'll talk to you tomorrow.
And you can come throw rocks at the beach, but only if you bring that cute Japanese kid.