stella_marie

god, this night consisted of so many weird things happening, but i guess this is whats on my mind right now. at my local bar, i have a bunch of guys i know that always insist on walking me home. it seems like chivalry, but these days, it almost seems necessary. for anyone living outside the area, here is the latest tragedy of a girl going out, having too much too drink, and the unthinkable happening to her. it always happens to someone else. who ever goes out thinking that my life will end tonight. who thinks that after having some fun, im going to wind up naked, bound and gagged somewhere on a roadside in brooklyn. the truth is, it happens. it happens all too frequently. i look back on all the stupid things ive done when im drunk and am thankful that someone must have been looking over me cause im still here alive and well. there have been nights that are a complete blackout to me but somehow i made it home safe and ok. so this can go two ways. do we blame the girl for being stupid enough to go out and drink too much trying to enjoy herself and not making it home alive? or do we blame the world we live in that a girl cant go out and enjoy herself without the fear of making it home alive? it saddens me that i have to live in a time where i have to be walked to my door to know i can make it through the night. that for a guy yelling out of his jeep window, i have to decide that if i stand up for myself, i risk my life. yes, it all sounds so dramatic, but with what is going on, you never know. you know what it takes to get into john jay? you have to be fucking brilliant to be in the classes and lifestyle that this girl imette was in. academically, she was the best of the best. but they found her bound, naked and gagged on the side of the road in brooklyn. so i think, why have i gotten out of hairier situations and she has become a ny newspaper headline? maybe there really is someone watching over me. i just wrote about how i am going to be more careful about going home alone and bringing guys home, but lets be honest. it wont happen to me. nothing will change. and if i wind up dead somewhere on the side of the road, you can call this in as a quote of mine.