stella_marie

i dont know if there is anything after you die. i dont fear death. but what i do fear is dying. there are so many terrible ways to go. i fear drowning, burning and being buried alive. there has to be that moment right before death comes in these situations that you know youre going to die, and there is nothing you can do about it. i cant imagine ever feeling so helpless. i sat at my desk today switching back and forth between quark and cnn.com. it was just another day at work for them. now its been more than 24 hours that they have been trapped inside the earth. they are working to get to them, not knowing what they will find, if anything at all. who knows, they might have died when the cave collapsed. maybe they were alive for a few hours. i think about sitting down there wondering where everyone is. to start thinking how many breaths are left in the air. will my lungs fill with carbon monoxide and i will simply drift off into a dream to never wake up? what about my family. god, they must be so worried. i did this all day. with each breath and minute that went by though, i started to let go of hope. now im just waiting to hear that they recovered the bodies. what a cruel way to die. its a life i wont ever understand. i sit behind a computer all day. my safe job in my safe life. its nice that you can pick and choose the news you let affect you. its so easy to turn the channel. for some reason today, i cant. my heart goes out to these people. now, ill just continue to sit here and wait.