stasiss_levine

hey I have a question....
look I havnt been really happy with the way I look for a long time... but well I know I am really not that ugly.....
but with the way that people treat me... well I feel a bit undesierable.. and well I have men in my life that say I am beautiful but thats only becasue they think that by saying that they can get laid.... I am tired of being that person that people call when they need to get laid then dating some one else.. I guess all and all what somes me up is good enough to fuck but not gooe enoght to date.. .what do you think.....
sex is good but what if your looking for a bit of some really good treatment when there is nothingat stake to be ganied...?

I desided along time ago that I was going to stop being a fuck buddy just becasue thats all I would get called on... so now I am online, and well it seems that I have gotten myself into the same thing but now its a cyber sex type of thing........ I am confused.. is that the only the only way? is that all that men would ever want from me.. Is that all I will ever be good enough for?


and well as an update.. this another reson why I am subcontious...

Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safer here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I am listening to believe me by Linken Park.. but cant find the lyrics.. if anyone has em.. please let me know.. I cant seem to stop listening to this song.. it seems apparent.. I dont know.. this band has a few songs that seem to hit on my life alot.. so I am going to put this one as well just becasue well I am lost .. or at least thats how I feel as of late....
"Somewhere I Belong"

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That Im not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that Ive got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain Ive held so long
(Erase all the pain till its gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like Im close to something real
I wanna find something Ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And Ive got nothing to say
I cant believe I didnt fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That its not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
Cause I cant justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like Im somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like Im somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong
... unfortuntaly my life has just been on this emo kick... " thats just the way it is baby" if you dont like it.. Sorry not much I can do to help you, for those that do want to stick arround .. ty ... This will pass.. Will just take some time... ty for you patience......
All my love
~MaryAnne