For those who dont want to have to read another emo post from me please skip to the end
Ok well I figure I should at least explain what Sundays journal post ... First if you need coffee or anything you might want to go get it this is going to be one hell of a long journal I have alot to cover .....
I'll wait till you get back............ Ok .... wb.........
this is how it started.. With all the shit i ahve been through it all started here for me
Well if I am going to explain this right I think we will go back to the begining... back in 95 I met a boy .. he was cute... ( I thought) one of those greasey long hair... tall skinny .... you get the idea... Well lets just say I fell for him really hard.... I had a really hard life up untill this point .. School was my only outlet.. My friends were allowed to come over to the house ..but I Had to come right home after school... It was hard for me I just wanted to go out and have fun with my friends.. but couldnt my house was to cool to hang out in... ie space invaders pool table tv nitendo ect.....
Well anyways all I wanted was out.. so I switched to a faster program to get out of school faster and study at my own pace.... Was on a college campus. Also going to school nights so no more friends really...
then along comes Robbie... mmm he was out on his own almost 18 and really hot.. (I had slept with him befor all of this) anyways I start seeing him so I start telling my aprents that I am going into school very early in the morning so I can go play arround with Robbie.... My parents get mad and find out that I am not working at a pace to the teachers liking. they take away my cd player all my cds and all my tapes... bare in mind that music was all I had to escape my head ... was really badly into cutting by this point... without music it was tough to be without... robert gets mad says that no kid should be treated this way... That I need to run away and he will take care of me that we can live together.. So I finish up my classes. I pack up my stuff and ask a friend if she will give me a ride into school the next day.. I am running away from home and dropping out...
I left moved in with robert at his place where I get violently ill with bronchitis(almost pneumonia) I was in contact with my dad everyday I would call him at work.... I called him he said I still had my inshurance cards and to go to the docs and make an apointment. I go in the give me robitusin with codene and another type of antibotic that didnt agree with me well... this is where we find that I am allergic to asprin, and that I had an ulcer still... mmm took robitussin as perscribed robert and I went to a friend mikes place to hang that was just up the road... and my stomach starts to hurt so dam bad that I am doubled over in pain....
have to go to the er get there they give me something called pullviles for my stomach .. and a heaver antibotic with less of what ever the other one had in it...
ok well at this point everyone else in the house that robert and I are living in ... we went out one friday night someone in the house stole my medication ... we moved out....
I am staying with mike and his mom for awhile robert is in and out of being ok to be arround, and mike is allways mad... both out of jeliousy and well that I was dateing an ass and I didnt see how bad he was... so we end up having to move out of there and live on the streats... well for awhile we lived at a dennys, and then we would sleep at Hanzes place during the day .. then we go over to roberts dads place and sleep in one of his cars how we got away with it so long I will never know... anyways robert and i are starting to fight alot.. he desides we need to go live with our grandparents adn be away from echother for a while..... Its almost summer by now and I am tied alot ... so I stay down at my grandpas place.. a total nightmare where on my 17 birthday I find out that I am in fact pregnate... I had misscarried alot of times during the time that we were together ... well this one was sticking.. I was two weeks along when I found out... I moved back up to edmonds and satyed with a friend.... this is where it starts going way south.. He desides he is going to deal with it the shittest way possable... hanz and Robert and I go up to a friend lindas and get high and they bought me something to drink.. I didnt say a word.... well robert desides that he is going to go back and stay with hanz.. he desides at this point to give hanz a blow job... while I am pouring my heart out to linda telling her that I am not shure but they have said that i pregnate... Robert and I go and get a kitten for my borthday the next day..(Sargon)
I am staying at lindas and robert is staying at Bandits in Evrett... he has a girl that i cant remember thats his ex he fucks her gets her engagment ring and gives it to me.... I find this out and tell him that I dont want someone elses ring ... and that I am giveing it back...(he dosnt know I know at this point that he fucked her) She was stripping for him of course hes going to fuck her ... at some point I end up living in everett with Robert.. where he finaly gets a job and i am back in school so I can get benifets from the state medical food and rent money.... He desides that he is going to start staying down in lynnwood at night after work..( we all know what he's up to) so things start to get tense up at our place becasue of robert constantly yelling and breaking up with me me being pregnate what the hell am I suposed to do cry.. become all emo.... I call and tell my mom at this point I am 4 months at this pont(not that I showed that much) (just looked fat) ... next day our roomate kickes me and robert out.. we move in with my parents.... Robert become uber asshole gets fired from his job is constatly fighting cue party at hanz's place.... I find out that robert had gfiven a bj to hanz... robert says he is Bi and that he really wants to try anal sex...... He had me screaming into a pillow becasue he cant be man enough to use any lube...
He starts wanting anal alot and well by this point it hurts so dam bad I tell him no... uhh waht an idiot I was.. he gets angry.. and well he says he wants to do it doggy style alot.... and then ends up raping me analy from behind.... er visit next day durening school 27 stiches in my ass.... he starts after the two month period of him healing starts to do it again but this time he starts to hit me when I cry out in such pain ... things start to get ugly bewtween us as I am taking all this abuse he says he wants to start getting up with me in the mornings fopr school .. I start to try and wake him he gets mad starts calling me all these nasty names telling me what a bad shitty person I am gets up we get to the park in ride to catch a bus to school(public transit) .. He starts acting like nothing has happend .. hgging me ... my friends see that i am upsett and ask me whats going on when I tell them softly. robert off with the guys chilling being the cool dude.. bridgett sees robert walk up to her to give her a hugg and she pushes him away... at this point he knows I said something.. I get home from shcool and he is there mad fighting insues that night at bed time robert them breaks up with me and starts sleeping on the couch..... cue Amanda Haz's new gf starts staying with us so she can go to night school on the weekends... I am fine with this.. I am in my room sleeping roberts out in the main part of the basement he comes back looks into see if I am sleeping, then goes out and fucks amanda on my parents couch with my bedroom dorr wide open.. I sit and watch and say nothing... in awa that he isnt hurting her at all and that she is enjoying herself... I say nothing hanz finds out comes over to console me and tell me... ... a week later robert wants to instead of keeping the baby wants to give her up... and that he just dosnt want to be with me anymore... but still can come back to have sex and his anal rapping every so often...
I am 8 months at this point they want me on bed rest and i have a doc appointment that friday my last day in school... I am loosing fluid and they are afraid that it will start to crush the amblical cord... so I am to start inductions to labor the next day.... I had to walk home from that docs appointment by myself
Roberts in and out fighting with my mom and dad. at this point I am so far gone this baby is almost here all my friends dont really want to hang because of skanky ass robbie....
ok so we are at the friday a week later they deside to let me go home for the weekend and pick back up on monday...
I start at 1 am on sunday... cant sleep uncomfortable.. I am droping fluid by the evening and i keep saying I am not going to have this baby till tomarrow....
6 am comes long and i am at the hospoitol filling out the admit paperwork allready... they ask are you in labor now... what do I say "no" they ask if I have been uncomfortable and had pains "yes" fopr a few days .. they then wheele me up to dilevery and check me I am dialated at a 3
I am starting to get more and more uncomfotable as they have given me meds to help the contractions along.... I felt like iwas being ripped apart... I am in the delivery bed i ask robert to lay down with me and rub my back becasue its the only thing that will comfort me..( the bastard actualy says no) I told him to get the fucking nurse I want my epideral now (camly I might add, but with enough venom ) that he says ok I will lay down with you... I said ohh no asshole u had ur chance... they come in give me my epi... and I am numb .. I fall asleep for the first time in 36 hours and have night mares of robert beating me and me screaming for my mom( out loud) I might add .. we have a baby girl borne 2-26-96 4:26 pm 6 lbs 13 oz ... I said that i was considering keeping her.. robert then tells me that if I really want to keep her then he will get his granparetns to hire him a lawer and have me found mentaly incompatant .. that i am to crazy to have children... and that he will make shure that i will end up in a hospitol.. becasue I am so crazy... the very next day Liz and bruce pick her up.. I leave and go one a huge lonly lost fucking journey alone.. with an ass that is hurting me.. the asshole fucked me two weeks after I had the baby... moved on he got mad.. he started going after my friends the girls that I thought were cute..
I cired almost every night I felt empty.. scared and confused .. I didnt even know what end was up.. I walked arround in a daze most of the time then starts dating someone else... they break up becasue he lied to her my mom is drivbing me nuts I move out again.. on mothers day.... I am not a mother in my moms eyes I dont get to celibrate I am no mom in here eyes.... I move in with robert and his mom where the abuse starts again but I am slowly starting to fight back dissagree and well to be honest it start of harmelss...
robert and i split so he could go to a party and fuck some other girl ... (he says its just so he can go and be free to fuck who ever) lol like he wasnt allready doing this allready right
cue my 18 b-day.. I go out with my only friend that isnt close to robert and she gets me a drink and we sit out playing arround its getting abit late and io am suposed to meet robert after work ... he walkes up to me as leann has droped me off....
Robert comes up to me with a rose neclace .. by this time I heated... couldnt he wait why on this day.... why dose he have to keep hurting me.. so we start fighting and something in me snaps I am hurt and mad and tried of his bs we are walking to his moms place and I start hiting him .. he tells his mom I am going to commit susicide and she calls 911 and I spend the rest of my b-day in th er... get out the next day finish out my class in school ... I am still fighting with robert by this point but this time I am fighting back....
his mom desides that I need to move.. I get my very first job the next day and am living on the streets....
10 years later I am so glad that I left that bastard not only did he get three good years of my life.. I even tried to help him while he was getting divorced.. didnt work hes still a bastard living over in new hampshire becasue he rapped a girl... she sint going to be pressing charges... uhh not to many people are very happy with him.. I have mad alot of friends and robert again tried to get in with them being his cool self and fucked with the wrong person.. now if he comes back here he is well lets just leave that for when he dose come back...
so heres the sorted tale of how and why I am so fucked up and why I was so emo on sunday sorry it was so long but this is where it started and my theripist says it would be a good idea to get it all out not everyone I know knows this story in fact there arent many that I have told everything too... so I leave you with that story to gulp down.. if you have any questions dont hesiate to ask me.... ps I also want to add here that the girl that robert fucked while i watched he got her pregnate then she had his second kid... and well he now has 7 kids.... only 5 of them he sees .. but he has 2 boys and five girls... the second one was given up too...
I have one question for you though...
How did you get your Screen name?
I will tell you how i got mine tomarrow.... huggs n kisses all bye bye for now.. I love you all!
~MaryAnne
Ok well I figure I should at least explain what Sundays journal post ... First if you need coffee or anything you might want to go get it this is going to be one hell of a long journal I have alot to cover .....
I'll wait till you get back............ Ok .... wb.........
this is how it started.. With all the shit i ahve been through it all started here for me
Well if I am going to explain this right I think we will go back to the begining... back in 95 I met a boy .. he was cute... ( I thought) one of those greasey long hair... tall skinny .... you get the idea... Well lets just say I fell for him really hard.... I had a really hard life up untill this point .. School was my only outlet.. My friends were allowed to come over to the house ..but I Had to come right home after school... It was hard for me I just wanted to go out and have fun with my friends.. but couldnt my house was to cool to hang out in... ie space invaders pool table tv nitendo ect.....
Well anyways all I wanted was out.. so I switched to a faster program to get out of school faster and study at my own pace.... Was on a college campus. Also going to school nights so no more friends really...
then along comes Robbie... mmm he was out on his own almost 18 and really hot.. (I had slept with him befor all of this) anyways I start seeing him so I start telling my aprents that I am going into school very early in the morning so I can go play arround with Robbie.... My parents get mad and find out that I am not working at a pace to the teachers liking. they take away my cd player all my cds and all my tapes... bare in mind that music was all I had to escape my head ... was really badly into cutting by this point... without music it was tough to be without... robert gets mad says that no kid should be treated this way... That I need to run away and he will take care of me that we can live together.. So I finish up my classes. I pack up my stuff and ask a friend if she will give me a ride into school the next day.. I am running away from home and dropping out...
I left moved in with robert at his place where I get violently ill with bronchitis(almost pneumonia) I was in contact with my dad everyday I would call him at work.... I called him he said I still had my inshurance cards and to go to the docs and make an apointment. I go in the give me robitusin with codene and another type of antibotic that didnt agree with me well... this is where we find that I am allergic to asprin, and that I had an ulcer still... mmm took robitussin as perscribed robert and I went to a friend mikes place to hang that was just up the road... and my stomach starts to hurt so dam bad that I am doubled over in pain....
have to go to the er get there they give me something called pullviles for my stomach .. and a heaver antibotic with less of what ever the other one had in it...
ok well at this point everyone else in the house that robert and I are living in ... we went out one friday night someone in the house stole my medication ... we moved out....
I am staying with mike and his mom for awhile robert is in and out of being ok to be arround, and mike is allways mad... both out of jeliousy and well that I was dateing an ass and I didnt see how bad he was... so we end up having to move out of there and live on the streats... well for awhile we lived at a dennys, and then we would sleep at Hanzes place during the day .. then we go over to roberts dads place and sleep in one of his cars how we got away with it so long I will never know... anyways robert and i are starting to fight alot.. he desides we need to go live with our grandparents adn be away from echother for a while..... Its almost summer by now and I am tied alot ... so I stay down at my grandpas place.. a total nightmare where on my 17 birthday I find out that I am in fact pregnate... I had misscarried alot of times during the time that we were together ... well this one was sticking.. I was two weeks along when I found out... I moved back up to edmonds and satyed with a friend.... this is where it starts going way south.. He desides he is going to deal with it the shittest way possable... hanz and Robert and I go up to a friend lindas and get high and they bought me something to drink.. I didnt say a word.... well robert desides that he is going to go back and stay with hanz.. he desides at this point to give hanz a blow job... while I am pouring my heart out to linda telling her that I am not shure but they have said that i pregnate... Robert and I go and get a kitten for my borthday the next day..(Sargon)
I am staying at lindas and robert is staying at Bandits in Evrett... he has a girl that i cant remember thats his ex he fucks her gets her engagment ring and gives it to me.... I find this out and tell him that I dont want someone elses ring ... and that I am giveing it back...(he dosnt know I know at this point that he fucked her) She was stripping for him of course hes going to fuck her ... at some point I end up living in everett with Robert.. where he finaly gets a job and i am back in school so I can get benifets from the state medical food and rent money.... He desides that he is going to start staying down in lynnwood at night after work..( we all know what he's up to) so things start to get tense up at our place becasue of robert constantly yelling and breaking up with me me being pregnate what the hell am I suposed to do cry.. become all emo.... I call and tell my mom at this point I am 4 months at this pont(not that I showed that much) (just looked fat) ... next day our roomate kickes me and robert out.. we move in with my parents.... Robert become uber asshole gets fired from his job is constatly fighting cue party at hanz's place.... I find out that robert had gfiven a bj to hanz... robert says he is Bi and that he really wants to try anal sex...... He had me screaming into a pillow becasue he cant be man enough to use any lube...
He starts wanting anal alot and well by this point it hurts so dam bad I tell him no... uhh waht an idiot I was.. he gets angry.. and well he says he wants to do it doggy style alot.... and then ends up raping me analy from behind.... er visit next day durening school 27 stiches in my ass.... he starts after the two month period of him healing starts to do it again but this time he starts to hit me when I cry out in such pain ... things start to get ugly bewtween us as I am taking all this abuse he says he wants to start getting up with me in the mornings fopr school .. I start to try and wake him he gets mad starts calling me all these nasty names telling me what a bad shitty person I am gets up we get to the park in ride to catch a bus to school(public transit) .. He starts acting like nothing has happend .. hgging me ... my friends see that i am upsett and ask me whats going on when I tell them softly. robert off with the guys chilling being the cool dude.. bridgett sees robert walk up to her to give her a hugg and she pushes him away... at this point he knows I said something.. I get home from shcool and he is there mad fighting insues that night at bed time robert them breaks up with me and starts sleeping on the couch..... cue Amanda Haz's new gf starts staying with us so she can go to night school on the weekends... I am fine with this.. I am in my room sleeping roberts out in the main part of the basement he comes back looks into see if I am sleeping, then goes out and fucks amanda on my parents couch with my bedroom dorr wide open.. I sit and watch and say nothing... in awa that he isnt hurting her at all and that she is enjoying herself... I say nothing hanz finds out comes over to console me and tell me... ... a week later robert wants to instead of keeping the baby wants to give her up... and that he just dosnt want to be with me anymore... but still can come back to have sex and his anal rapping every so often...
I am 8 months at this point they want me on bed rest and i have a doc appointment that friday my last day in school... I am loosing fluid and they are afraid that it will start to crush the amblical cord... so I am to start inductions to labor the next day.... I had to walk home from that docs appointment by myself
Roberts in and out fighting with my mom and dad. at this point I am so far gone this baby is almost here all my friends dont really want to hang because of skanky ass robbie....
ok so we are at the friday a week later they deside to let me go home for the weekend and pick back up on monday...
I start at 1 am on sunday... cant sleep uncomfortable.. I am droping fluid by the evening and i keep saying I am not going to have this baby till tomarrow....
6 am comes long and i am at the hospoitol filling out the admit paperwork allready... they ask are you in labor now... what do I say "no" they ask if I have been uncomfortable and had pains "yes" fopr a few days .. they then wheele me up to dilevery and check me I am dialated at a 3
I am starting to get more and more uncomfotable as they have given me meds to help the contractions along.... I felt like iwas being ripped apart... I am in the delivery bed i ask robert to lay down with me and rub my back becasue its the only thing that will comfort me..( the bastard actualy says no) I told him to get the fucking nurse I want my epideral now (camly I might add, but with enough venom ) that he says ok I will lay down with you... I said ohh no asshole u had ur chance... they come in give me my epi... and I am numb .. I fall asleep for the first time in 36 hours and have night mares of robert beating me and me screaming for my mom( out loud) I might add .. we have a baby girl borne 2-26-96 4:26 pm 6 lbs 13 oz ... I said that i was considering keeping her.. robert then tells me that if I really want to keep her then he will get his granparetns to hire him a lawer and have me found mentaly incompatant .. that i am to crazy to have children... and that he will make shure that i will end up in a hospitol.. becasue I am so crazy... the very next day Liz and bruce pick her up.. I leave and go one a huge lonly lost fucking journey alone.. with an ass that is hurting me.. the asshole fucked me two weeks after I had the baby... moved on he got mad.. he started going after my friends the girls that I thought were cute..
I cired almost every night I felt empty.. scared and confused .. I didnt even know what end was up.. I walked arround in a daze most of the time then starts dating someone else... they break up becasue he lied to her my mom is drivbing me nuts I move out again.. on mothers day.... I am not a mother in my moms eyes I dont get to celibrate I am no mom in here eyes.... I move in with robert and his mom where the abuse starts again but I am slowly starting to fight back dissagree and well to be honest it start of harmelss...
robert and i split so he could go to a party and fuck some other girl ... (he says its just so he can go and be free to fuck who ever) lol like he wasnt allready doing this allready right
cue my 18 b-day.. I go out with my only friend that isnt close to robert and she gets me a drink and we sit out playing arround its getting abit late and io am suposed to meet robert after work ... he walkes up to me as leann has droped me off....
Robert comes up to me with a rose neclace .. by this time I heated... couldnt he wait why on this day.... why dose he have to keep hurting me.. so we start fighting and something in me snaps I am hurt and mad and tried of his bs we are walking to his moms place and I start hiting him .. he tells his mom I am going to commit susicide and she calls 911 and I spend the rest of my b-day in th er... get out the next day finish out my class in school ... I am still fighting with robert by this point but this time I am fighting back....
his mom desides that I need to move.. I get my very first job the next day and am living on the streets....
10 years later I am so glad that I left that bastard not only did he get three good years of my life.. I even tried to help him while he was getting divorced.. didnt work hes still a bastard living over in new hampshire becasue he rapped a girl... she sint going to be pressing charges... uhh not to many people are very happy with him.. I have mad alot of friends and robert again tried to get in with them being his cool self and fucked with the wrong person.. now if he comes back here he is well lets just leave that for when he dose come back...
so heres the sorted tale of how and why I am so fucked up and why I was so emo on sunday sorry it was so long but this is where it started and my theripist says it would be a good idea to get it all out not everyone I know knows this story in fact there arent many that I have told everything too... so I leave you with that story to gulp down.. if you have any questions dont hesiate to ask me.... ps I also want to add here that the girl that robert fucked while i watched he got her pregnate then she had his second kid... and well he now has 7 kids.... only 5 of them he sees .. but he has 2 boys and five girls... the second one was given up too...
I have one question for you though...
How did you get your Screen name?
I will tell you how i got mine tomarrow.... huggs n kisses all bye bye for now.. I love you all!
~MaryAnne
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My screen name is the same nickname I've had for years. Turk is what most people call me. McAllister is my middle name.