starstruk

Haha for sure we can!! Fair warning though unless you write a lot of journals I usually only comment back to the people who leave me comments and messages - I haven't had time to be totally into SG lately.

How did your interview go?

Cute.

I think you have to test the waters in life.. See were things take you.. If it makes you happy if for only a brief moment, go with it.. I did what I shouldn't have, I sat around and analyzed the break up, and it screwed with my head.. And to counter act the dilema in my head I drank myself into a drunken state of where I never thought alcohol could take me.. I have a tendence to over analyze alot of shit in my life.. Alot of people in my life have seen me screw up and mess up and only a few, mainly family haven't passed judgement.. Because something Ive learned is that as long as I take my screw up's learn, adjust, and try again and correct what messed me up.. Those screw ups are ok.. Some of the brightest people in history have screwed up so much.. Edison, screwed up experiments all the time and look at how he is looked at through out history.. A genious, Albert Einstein, one ofthe messiest son of a bitches ever, but he knew how to split the atom.. So as much as I over analyze things, and screw up, it's ok.. I've had relationships since we broke up and I have finally come to the conclusion, I'm forcing things that I need to flow naturally.. And right now, it feels natural and needed for me to take time for myself..

My ex and I, never fought, there were moments where it was good, bad, and just not seeing each other which wouuld make you think when we did see each other, things would be awesome, but they weren't.. Somtimes we never did anything when we saw eachother, other times we went out.. But some moments are meant to keep others you just prefer to forget..

I have found it better to be alone and happy then together and miserable.. The reason i couldn't go through with the marriage was I was just unhappy.. And I thought I was doing something good for the both of us, which I know I did, but others prefer to see it in other light.. It's better to be alone and happy then together and someone in the relationship miserable, and depressed because they are unhappy and it's killing them inside to tell the other how they truely feel..

From reading the above blog it seems like things are progressing for you.. Thats a plus.. You know it seems like alot of people out there are searching, searching for that right person for them.. Anymore it comes to seem like everyone only wants the right person.. I understand being alone is tough, and gruling at times.. I have a friend who is somewhat going through the samething as yourself.. Her ex broke it off with her 2 months ago after 2 years, he said that the feeling lost its lackluster.. Yes, my heart goes out to her and you and anyone who is hurting from love.. I had let someone drag my heart through the deepest parts of what I thought were hell for 6 years.. And that was because I had let her control me, I wasn't in control of my life because I had let her in so far into my heart that it was hard to get her out of there.. And I finally realized now, that I as much as 1 day I would love to find that specific person whereever they maybe lurking, right now isnt the right time.. You can't force what needs to come naturally.. And it took me 6 years of hell to finally figure that out..

I understand the whole coming home to yourself thing..It is hard at first but in the end I realized that I am me, I am stronger then I think I am at times.. Love does suck and it is an amazing feeling, but sometimes it just feels like it could be a fairy tale, and it's not real sometimes.. Why would something so amazing, and incredible be meant to hurt so bad when it's taken away.. Like waking up from an awesome dream you were having when your asleep only to be woken back up and realize the amazing thing you were just experiencing was all a dream.. On a side note: I'm very delirious.. So if it seems a little odd, that would be the reason why..

And something else just happen that was funny, someone drove by my house blaring Onyx's Slam... Remember that song.. hahaha.. Thats funny..

thank you.

good to hear works going better, that's nice. you should try and make a list of things you should plan to do, big or small things, just for you.

hi. thank you for all the kind words. i'm sorry about the man situation doesn't seem very nice, no. the shitty thing is no one can say what to do either. just you. and that's annoying isnt it?

Hey thanks alot, hope things go start working out better for you and your situation.. Thanks again..